Sunday, April 14, 2019

I really think this is a lot of problems.  It's just about me learning to be happy by myself by things like cleaning my room, but maybe that could happen anyway, "in a perfect world."

You know, since my mom died in December, I started school, work ... and I am still redoing my room.  So, that's another sad example but of backwards irony.

Either way, we all strive for what's best.  I've tried hard to be clean since college, like my things at my parents's.  I'm 32 now, and youth is over.  Maybe, that's why I got older, some hardships.  I'm not perfect and I might be too far from that ideal.


I can say it's good from the other people, but I'm having a hard time.  I thought me being annoyed and trapped affected me throughout the day.  I am progressing but not feeling happy about other things.  I'm hoping I will, rather than living in trash, my messy, needy room.  Well, I am gonna work to pay to redo my room, part time work.  It may be around $1,000, just for things like shelves to organize things plus a bunk bed with a desk under it.

One idea is I could try to get a Bachelor's degree online and go to graduate school someday.  However, I am working outside of school in violin and German to do classical music in Germany, playing/learning/seeing.


I used to think it was something where I was seen as a good person and people did what they wanted, but I was upset I was not in Music Education and singing at college for seeming too shy after a year.  I didn't graduate.

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