Monday, January 3, 2022

Phew!

So, I was upset today until I got a gigantic mocha smoothie.

I returned something I bought for $11 and spent it on the mocha smoothie.


I have a habit of maybe seething or panting when upset, squeezing my fist.  But, no, the people monitoring me in private or involved blow up, and that's about all I did..  I try not to have fits where I kick etc.  Also, they think that's just execution for my dreams.  They act like I'm crossing that line if I "so much as" feel upset or when words pop in my head..  Confused?  I have to "get it right" "in case" "there's a next time."

I still can't function being beat like my cousins for no reason and treated like I'm not as good.  It's a chain of messages that are hard to get out.  Oh, and if I'm still nothing happens, when people carry on by me like something's wrong and get under my skin and no one believes how bad that is.  If I move, I do feel the reaction, though.  In Orlando, I did too much and nothing was left in me to fight in my head how mean and inappropriately behaved the people were.  It's not as bad, now. 

So, what can I do?  I hope it doesn't happen again, I wouldn't plan on it, but sometimes you have to move or act a certain way to match your mood that gets out or that you practice in private.  I don't like to just cry in public.  I'm allowed to do that, though, how embarrassing..

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