Wednesday, January 5, 2022

Lost It

I kept being bothered walking along the road the other day.  I just kinda seethed and panted and said I didn't do anything to myself over and over, made a fist in my pocket etc. or maybe moved my arm and hand quickly to myself.  I don't know that anyone saw.  Now, it's over.  My aunt told the people monitoring me in private at some point that if I show any sign of physical activity, even alone, that I should be in big trouble and maybe lose something big then.  She was a police and probably "showing off."  She disowned a lot of her involvement at some point, but the people monitoring me in private still think it helps.  I just got a job and because of what it is they keep taunting me by saying 2 people from the area it's from where I'm from too who I know more or less, and this is a big deal to me and going to be quite a feat to manage my life, yes a full time job 30-40 hours, to sustain me, in a an apartment soon hopefully and not the group home anymore, where I stayed for 7 months, since my parents both got sick and died.  Every little thing I do is such a big deal to them that it can "get to me" if they don't stop sometimes for some reason, it's my thoughts when they're the ones being mean and bad to me and probably blame a Late Baby Boomer European lady I'm supposed to be in a "relationship" with.  I'm most concerned if this is what lost the "relationship" with the lady and how I'm gonna function at a 30-40 hour a week job if they keep bringing up this, teasing me with other people bothering me.

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