Friday, December 31, 2021

Waiting

I'm sorta waiting for lunch and then will go to the bank, the gym, and Wal-Mart.  I may be able to eat lunch now.

Morning Shower

I think it seems a little late for a morning shower for today.  Tonight, I can probably use the hair and facial masks, $1 each, the Dollar Tree.

Feeling Reluctant

I want to take a shower but feel reluctant and unsure of why.  I should go to the bank, the gym, and Wal-Mart, by bus.  I plan to go after we get fed a sandwich and probably pasta.  Oops, I have to get my pills, too.  Just thinking/meditating.  I know I wanted to use my hair and face masks next shower or tonight's shower.  I really want to do that tonight.

And So It Happens Now, Yet Another "Holiday?"

I may have to wait for the full time job interviews that pay a whopping $15/hour.

Clothes

Wearing nice clothes makes you more attractive.

Evolution of Generations or Extinction

Should all older generations suffer what younger generations do, as flaws and not fixed well?

Suffering Racism

I suffer things to do with how I act/behave others would but don't because of my mixed race, 1/2 White and 1/2 Asian.

What dream were you basing things on?

Do you think there some thing mixed Whites can share with a European ethnicity that other ethnically mixed Europeans do, even if obviously to a lesser extent?

Unfair

So, my dad was messing with my benefits in the world I earned.

Overpowering

People just want to feel they overpowered me.

Getting a Kick Back From Something

People get a kick out of attacking people pretending it could not possibly happen to them and make up good reasons.

Misjudged. Racism still exists.

All over, I can be losing things all the time, like social situations, and do I have much left in my future?

I'm a nice person.

I'm me!

My grandma is like my dad in that they both believe their children are bound to have their flaws or at least some if their children in different ways.

Living Life at Least?

Things used to be more interesting in many ways.

My Looks

I'm not actually ugly.

The English and Asians

The English weren't nice to me as having Asian and now must be mean to all Asians, it seems.

English Classical Music Today?

Do English classical musicians just "bow down to" Andrew Lloyd Webber and German classical musicians?

Ah!

I just cleaned my room and can decide if I should keep $28 or so of art supplies, just Crayola crayons and colored pencils, a $7 pink sketchbook that looks like a book or journal, and a $2 sharpener for the colored pencils.

I am getting snacks and not eating out as much, fast food.  I had to lock it in a box in the group home in my room so it doesn't get stolen.  I got double mocha mix, chocolate & granola bars, and mega stuffed Oreos.  Like at home, I don't always get served something I like much.  Someday, I will get out of this.

Update

I added a biography to my website.

Reared

My parents and film|boards General Discussion both raised me to be different, nicer, and better than them.  😂

Thursday, December 30, 2021

My Asymmetrical / Less Barbie Doll Figure Shaped Extended Family

People like to slam it in there that they're "right" and not say why.  Racism.

Groceries

I bought Mocha mix, chocolate and granola bars, and mega stuffed Oreos from Wal-Mart for not a whole lotta money, maybe the answer to my problems in the group home.

Relatives

Some of them seemed to follow my cousins and be at their tail constantly, more or less, and they're trying to protect them and appeal to them over me because I was well behaved and privately expected attention.

Disgustingly Inclined

Some of the people monitoring me in private want me to follow blindly their every whim.

"Hard to Believe"

People think I shouldn't have things socially with the excuse they don't have it but that others are "worth it" over me.

(continue)

Someone was in the bathroom both times I tried to clean it.

Tired

I didn't make it to the bathroom, someone else said they'd clean it today for me, though.  I set my alarm for 3 so I could shower.  I guess I have to go tomorrow around 8 AM? for a 10AM appointment, female doctor!

Wednesday, December 29, 2021

Typical Girl

When I was little, I liked to sing children's/folk songs and make arts and crafts and draw and color.

I also liked to dance and was in gymnastics classes.

I have to get in the bathroom

 and start cleaning, my day to clean, not hard, though.

Social Change Among Cliques

Usually, social change happens in steps and is already present and happens naturally.

It's not some far fetched idea without a base or steps present.  It's already there, and you rearrange things and add things and get rid of things.

Not focusing on my leaping to what I'm told.. but that others "have" to change and otherwise would remain completely static.  The material is there and easy to move!

Confused

I feel pangs of excitement coming up like everything's "different" like I'm not perfect and am in trouble.

Suggestive, Sneaky, Sly

People are being suggestive that I'm not open to others to make them feel good if they want me to and being suggestive in the shadows, lurking, and closing in ... to tell me in a slight attitude that all I gained in the world was the world and my special "relationship" with a Late Baby Boomer European lady is null and void and all goes to her and it's like she changes on me with messages in and out through other people throughout the day, all seeming to say she's punishing me by putting herself in the line of limelight to gather all the stimulation but that it's "just for her" and I can get in trouble and cause suffering to myself a lot, like there's nothing to do..

Trash

People trashed good people from Generation X.

Attention

Late Baby Boomers “can ever get enough.”

"Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar?"

I get hurt when most go unhurt, like I'm punished.

If some people didn't have so many "excuses," they wouldn't win attention.

I am considered appealing.

“Good Behavior”

People like to *behave* for attention and to hide past flaws.  However, they are mean.

Not That Hard

It isn’t “rocket science” why coronavirus patients die when they are unvaccinated and/or don’t wear masks.

Trouble

If I am considered wrong, I get in worse trouble than others would.

Glossed Over

Why do people born around 1991 act like I'm dull and they're quick to get things, socially.

I'm trash?

So, if I did something that was considered generous to others and was rewarded, I'm trash, but not if it's someone else?

"Let's stop right here."

People try to cheer me up if I get an "issue" or "hurt" from someone else, but they were already "in the way" in some way to begin with which is what makes it funny.

They hide from me how good other people have it.  They sorta realize I'm pretty in some good way and toss out respect or interest of it and slyly try to exchange my personal successes and good fortune with others for whatever reason they are not as fortunate, but that wouldn't "fly" "back in the day."  You know, "Oh, my father was a certain way and it's not my fault, but you Christina your dad is a certain way and it matters for you.."  Or, "I didn't get to grow up as you did, and I'm not really as good-looking so that means it's your fault and I get everything and you get nothing and deserve to suffer what I've been suffering, brought upon by myself, others, or by accident."

People need to stop clashing me with people they're jealous about others getting attention from.  Bad things happen, like cancer.  I can feel it coming in some way that's not my fault, at least the idea of it.  I can stop the channel sometimes, but I feel it, that stress and curse.

Maybe, the people monitoring me in private want me to accept this place is bad or "stupid."  "It's not good enough" and bad, even.

Why would you tear someone good down in front of me like an apology and I know later flare out with issues and make a big deal of nothing.

Tuesday, December 28, 2021

Worshiping the US

Some people think Americans are cool and I'm out of place, but it's the opposite.

Violin

I wonder if it is better to play very easy songs on violin if it takes work to get more intricate or to just keep practicing something interesting more and more.

Food Tomorrow

I'm thinking of going to KFC for the sandwich and then to Cinnabon, tomorrow.  I may spend like $10.

I went to Cinnabon maybe yesterday, and I didn't get my extra frosting!

Yesterday, I had Japanese seafood bone soup, great stuff, mostly the bone and whatever liquid with a few "veggies" and a few seafood (shrimp and shellfish.)  Recently, I had Chinese, in Little Italy.  I like it, but I'm craving this variety.  I've been to Taco Bell a few times, too.

I've been exercising well, too, mostly treadmill.  I just did the maybe near 30 minute intermediate-advanced stretching.  I don't think I'm visiting the gym, tomorrow.  I still feel a lag.  The stretching takes strength to support yourself.

Hungry

I'm trying to decide where to eat out, tomorrow.

I just did an intermediate-advanced stretch video, but it's not contortionistic.

I kinda want fried chicken, KFC or Popeye's?  I guess I can't afford to eat too fancy.

I think I'm gonna take a bream from the gym, tomorrow, maybe stretch at home.  It did go for a walk this morning, maybe like an hour.  I think I still need a break from the treadmill, which has changed my life so much.  I don't pee as much, I look kinda skinny..

"Inner Turmoil"

Are my struggles of interest so they can be rebuttal-ed?

Food

My powdered cappuccino doesn't taste as sweet, anymore.

Someone finished off my donated frozen fish nuggets, which tasted a bit bad.

I already had PB.

Maybe, the canned fruit I got from a food pantry is healthy?  Mushroom soup.


Tomorrow?


Since I don't have roommate, maybe I can get some "munchies."  It seems she was the thief, but I thought I saw a ghost do it.

What Humans Are Made For

Europe/Germany

"Making Trouble"

People make trouble just to distract you.  It's not really important, there's nothing there pertinent.

Trick

People seem to always find Generation Y to be right.

Hungry

I should go out to eat again.  I just don't know what/where, already had burgers, chicken, Asian, pizza...

Tomorrow?  What do I have for tonight?

Call from Gramma

My grandma just called for her round of calls for Merry Christmas!

"Distant Cousins"

People are basing life on my extended family when they barely spend good time talking to me if at all anymore.

"Shuffling" the "Plates"

People want to make me under my relatives but say non-relatives are better, in ways they aren't.

Hungry

I'm kinda hungry for a snack.

"Something Stupid"

Do your extended family dictate how different you are from them or how similar?

Trapped

I feel we have trapped some people in their explosive and impulsive way of thinking and striking back, just to protect sin.

Something Obviously "Stupid" or "Messed Up"

It's not my responsibility to be tossed out as "shit" because of other people's problems, like "life isn't fair."

"You're not the only one."

It's normal to complain.

A Blended Attack

People are making others publicize their being human, and they say they temporarily need to act like I'm in trouble, but then they make me settle that way while they go "scot-free."

They just sit there, and I don't find a way out.

Nasty

Some people these days are in trouble for no reason, while people being bad get away with it.

Rules

People give different rules to different generations.

"...and what was right seems wrong, and what was wrong seems right."

Shy

Some people are too shy to do anything.

Tim Burton

Why do people not like to "stimulate" Tim Burton?  He was born in 1958.

Pensive

I just had a snack (peanut butter on thin wheat buns) and want to clean up.  Then, I can do stuff.  Maybe, I should turn on some music.

Chores

I also need to tidy up my room.

Hungry

Maybe, I need some coffee.  🍵

Tired

I thought I could practice violin now, but I'm tired, which is why I stayed home instead of going to the gym today.

Update

I added my vlog to the upper side of this blog.

Popular OR Good?

So, people can do a lot to make things right and be good, for example like my relatives mostly.  Then, we meet more distant relatives and other people, and, for some reason, they don't like us.  It's because they just like people who dis us because it settles their "jealousy" or inadequacy, even though the people who dis us didn't do anything all along in the process to deserve it.  How does my life go wrong like this?

"Following Me Around"

I thought I could get away from being the oldest kid of my nearer relatives.

"My Life"

Will my life ever be okay?

Sly

Even the people monitoring me in private have adopted the 80s tension, thinking I have to "bow down" to someone if I like them.

"Bag of Tricks"

Someone or some people are made to seem to be being nasty to me, it seems.  I think one of the greatest things is a clean connection with another human being of depth and great emotion etc.  "So!"  Others are making it so that can't happen to me, when people think I've made such a success in life and deserve so many other things socially.

They just sit out like it's the exception.  They hurt people emotionally etc.

Already Prepared

I worked hard not to be able to have people try to humiliate me.  Like, people act like, if something goes wrong, they have to give me something to make me feel bad when they "just have to" take it away.  Like, I'm the loser and like I didn't give someone else a turn.

You may be presenting new characters, people "what have you."  They are acting like it shouldn't bother me, only to reveal "ill feelings" towards me ultimately.  What a refresher?  I'm a loser?  You waited for it to get exciting and made your move, like of course I'm in trouble when I'm like the best well-behaved person around!  Then, you act like I'm merely a receiver and have nothing to offer.  You keep glossing over that people are messed up from the 80s still and think that means you're all that but that different people aren't good enough.

Mad

I resent how I'm treated like I can't function.

Monday, December 27, 2021

Group Home

The bathroom seems to have been occupied for a long span of time.

I want to take my nightly shower, now.

What Is Your Character?

Do you resemble your parents's generations?

Me Singing Now

Outing (Past)

Outings


Popeye's

I'm applying to be a cashier/cook I think at Popeye's.

NEXT!

I turned down the job.  It's over 1 1/2 hours to commute each way and the job is 10-8, or no later than 8.  It's an uncomfortable walk along the highway.

(continued)

I can still practice violin more on weekends.

Commute to Work

So, I may have to commute like 1 1/2 hours to work 9-5?  I'd be out 7-7!  I can move to a home closer later and hopefully even get a car.  February or March?  I'm just worried about practicing violin.  I might make like $2K/month - $6K/month, with opportunities for more.  I have to see into the salary/bonus estimates.  I'm new here with 0 experience.  I wanted $4K/month.  That's right in the middle of the range but with bonus.  This job I'm interviewing for tomorrow sounds exciting.  I want an apartment for maybe around $1K/month.  A car may be $600/month?  Then, I want to eat out for supper, maybe like $20/day?  I'd love to make breakfast, and maybe I can bring a sandwich, salad, snacks, etc., especially when I live on my own.  It may be hard to prepare in the group home, and I will have to pay $1100/month to live here now, though an apartment could be in the $700s.

I'm also trying to learn German on Duolingo, which is so cool!  I want to move to Germany when I can, have enough money and able to support myself.

It would be nice to find a job closer to the group home, but I don't know if it'd suit me as well.  1 1/2 hours is normal, but sometimes I sleep more on pills yet must be improving.

The group home, funded by the government, is more expensive than even a nice apartment here, at $1100/month.  I sure hope I can move ASAP ("as soon as possible.")

Maybe, I should only take the job if I will et $4K/month because even a lot of that goes to taxes.  Okay..  The job may still be 1 1/2 hours away by bus.  I have a feeling it won't be enough and that another job will be.  I applied for several other jobs, may get an answer when people get back to work after the holiday for Christmas but possibly in the New Year?

I'm also concerned the right job will be far but that I can move closer and hopefully have enough time to practice violin.  I just really want to make sure I have a nice life and enough food to eat to keep my happy.  I don't want to run out of money.

Sunday, December 26, 2021

Saturday, December 25, 2021

Did you?

I didn't get in trouble, yet.

Friday, December 24, 2021

^Preoccupied^

Is it wise to be feisty among one another?  Just to get something going?  With an ulterior goal?

“Out and About”


Eastern Ohio

The weather is more pleasant.



Leave?

Caucasians from Orlando are nasty and "unintelligent."  It's serious, and they can't seep into their community as a culture.

Maybe, they are addicted and want to stir culture.  They may also feel shame for their personal, emotional lives.  They probably wouldn't fit in Up North in ways I do.


Disclaimer: In using the label "Caucasians," I do not mean anything bad/racist.

"Picking at a Scab"

Do you think being mean to people when they are upset only makes it worse and not good as some test to eradicate the issue, "so-to-speak?"

Why is it seen as okay to be mean to some people, like me?  It can cause issues, and I'm not even the one who thinks it's a problem.

Nah ah ah, I see you.

Did you know every New Year is a trap simply for me to think of something embarrassing... because someone else in a lofty disposition does it.  It's an "invitation" waiting to happen.

People think I have to collect these things in stride to take over my life to death.

Selfishness

People are just "out to get" a certain someone, and it's obvious.

"Why not?" they think if other people have problems.  "Misery loves company."

Some racists must have let them take over.  These racists and mean people are just trouble and need to be eliminated from such a social scene.

Sometimes, it's too late when I realize these things, but "that's history."  It's not my fault.


People like to hone in, survey a popular and broad situation, and bring out a message of controversy like bringing it up is an okay selfish point and pretending its urgency is truth.  They want the message to sink in.  It can become recurrent and ruin life, at least for some who suffer its effects for some reason, as things seem to come up naturally and when things seem too good for good people who end up suffering from this.


I feel like there's a tracker on me so people can make their kids ruin my life, like I'm behind...  As soon as I get a job, my freedom will end.


People think I am bad for sending my friends list advice in 2007/2008 when very lonely, and they took over the world and I don't really "give a care."  They just keep going, trying to insult me and think it affects me.  Other things happened, like me feeling upset talking to some, and they think it's out of line and to dictate how life is.

A Bad Influence

African Americans in some places are out of control.

They will "make their move" at critically vulnerable times.

These African Americans sport an attitude and give an example of "stupidity," unfortunately.

People need to stop acting like others like me need to be sensitively vulnerable to them to a point of fault.  I don't know what's wrong with Cleveland.  They seem set apart from some of the other states, like they haven't been able to process the basics of life needed to function socially.  If you have a problem with their African Americans, they just say try harder to please them.  Cleveland is just as racist as any city or state.  They use their African Americans against you, as well as hurting you as a way of feeding the underdogs of their city area.  They seem to be in a point of feeling important and are afraid of "the next step."  It's too bad it's just not America's problem.  America has hit the snooze, regarding these social needs, wallowing in their own poor holistic status, holding out and being nice to people for mean reasons, like being racist to people who they think have it too good or who they are jealous of, like they have to say if it was up to them they'd be able to control how others are and that some just deserve to suffer for no reason.  The African Americans in the area seem to like to "put on a show," not saying this in an offensive way though, and when nothing seems wrong strike up an attitude with you and refuse to connect appropriately if they do connect, in certain ways.


Disclaimer: I said a lot about what I suffer living in a group home in an African American community in Ohio.  I am not racist, however, just explaining nicely and appropriately something important to address.  Some people think if you mention anything about or recognize any race, that you're saying something bad, but that's what's needed to eradicate and eliminate racism from being effective.  I also know some people can be mean and confusing and say talking about anything too personal, intimate, or specific socially, especially if about a stressful situation that needs to be thought out and talked out, and think it's mean and considered a "gossip" chain or message.  This is also a way to prevent interaction in deep thoughts, and it's wrong and too silly and causes big problems they keep denying.  America is like "the tower of Babel," and it could be destroyed like the dinosaurs.

A Nuisance

Do you know how some people pressure you without explanation?

Being Bad

Some people look for an excuse to be mean.

Two "Terms" / Phrases

"Out with the old and in with the new."

"Cancel culture."

Thursday, December 23, 2021

"Is that a challenge!"

I think people like to make me question myself.

Chores

My room is rather a mess, and I am feeling pulled from cleaning it, for some, normal reason.  I'll probably get up in a bit.  Hey, you know, I borrowed 3 violin books and one is for Christmas.  One is a nice lesson book.  The other I've not been able to find with scales and arpeggiations, a great one at a good level and progression, goes up to playing double stops.

Collections

A good thing to collect is children's books.

Happy People

Some people can say whatever they want, even though it isn't very "intelligent," and go on happily to their merry lives.

The cold wind blows.

I just heard the wind blowing hard outside.

My Health

I'm trying to go to the gym every day and buy a fruit for the night, saved so no one steals.

Superstition

Why should everyone suffer if 1 person does something by accident?

Proud to Be Me

I don't feel I'm rightly in trouble and don't play around with social etiquette.

"Attention!"

People like to "take care" of what kind of attention they get me, so they do it right away in the wrong ways and forget about "the fruit."  I forget what else I was going to say.

Wednesday, December 22, 2021

Knowing Something IS Wrong, NOT Right ... And "Jumping to Conclusions" In the End

It's strange how people in desired positions or popular posts like to base life on those who may tend to stir trouble.

Doesn't that account for a lot? in general.  Fame itself is only a few short moments of intensity, life is still life.  I'm not the one complaining.  Others make things along the way catastrophic, ultimately and essentially to get attention.  So, others care about a journey and things go wrong, but I'm willing to look over the minor instances.

So, I'm saying sometimes big, unexplainable "things" happen.  Someone you can trust may change and say it's all about someone else's resulting reflex or few words.  Then, the world seems to shut down.  For instance, people care more about the children of people born around 1960 and/or if they are born around 1995-2002?  Maybe, they don't even really do anything or give answers.


I am led to wonder why some people want to test the limits of fame and see how it affects a person, but why not themselves sometimes / in some cases?  Can it be a good thing OR a bad thing?  They may already have all of what they need to be famous in some things, which if they didn't have it ... may not have.

Being Attacked for Being Successful

People sure like to sport 2nd chances wherein others *involuntarily suffer.

*involuntarily - 1. "without will or conscious control." 2. "against someone's will; without someone's cooperation." (link)

Update

My Website

Facebook Groups by Me

"The Wizard of Oz" Remake

Pirates of the Caribbean 6

My Grandma

a high school yearbook photo

Monday, December 20, 2021

The Gym

I went to the gym today.  A leg muscle was too hurt, so I didn't do the treadmill.  I did elliptical for 2 minutes and then the weight machines.

On the 🚌

Wal-Mart

Taco Bell

Taco Bell

Differences

Some people can't accept some people have problems they don't and it's not their fault. It has chain reactions.

Duolingo

Edit

I changed the video in my last post.

Me Playing Violin Now

Update

I changed my Violin Instagram into having a Violin YouTube, since I couldn't load full videos.

Paid Online Surveys

I just took at least 1 survey from 7 survey sites, maybe earned $2 or $3.  I can do this and build up money and use it to eat out or maybe get clothes for work when I get hired.

Sunday, December 19, 2021

"The Cold Shoulder"

People like to ignore me for others that strangely come up sometimes.

"The Cold Shoulder" and "Benefits"

Why succeed where you're in it alone?

💕

Answering to Human Resources

Why listen to people who don't help you if no one has to?

Emotional Abuse

People use anything I did that wasn't perfect against me but not others.

Racism

Do you think people “take for granted” that Asians will behave?  They think 1/2 Asians will just act Asian.

Macy’s

Macy’s

I’m in the bathroom on the toilet.  💩

Racism

In the end, many African-Americans want me to join them yet bow down to full Caucasians. Who does that?

Tangled Story

African-Americans seem to agree Asians are okay like Caucasians but believe I’m bad because I’m attractive in Caucasian with a coveted Asian mom.

Art

The owl and the one with a skinny rabbit and another character are cute.

Racism

African Americans in Cleveland, Ohio, USA “venerate” Caucasians but try to act like I’m not like that.

Lithuanian Catholic Church

I thought there would be mass for English speakers. At least, I watched mass online this morning before I left.

Update

I added a link to my YouTube on my website.

Saturday, December 18, 2021

Update

Okay, I just changed the link to it on my website.

Update

I got a new Twitter account.

Welcome!

Welcome to my BlogSpot!