Baby Boomers are fattening Generation X up..
Saturday, October 30, 2021
I am 1/2 Mid/Northern European but 1/2 Asian and it's not Japanese or all so much North Chinese.
The excuse of Southern Europeans, Italians and Latinos, is that I have 1/2 Mid/Northern European, but in the end I find it does not matter.
I've been doing little exercises and was around 5'2" this morning, just a little under but not much.
It seems weight or maybe strength exercise makes you taller. Probably stretching, too. I know I had a strong bridge yesterday, from gymnastics or for some yoga.
Friday, October 29, 2021
I have job meetings next week, see if it looks good.
Too bad my aunts are against it, but they're all the way in Florida..
I don't know what kind of life I'm giving up, but while I'm not too old I'd like to eat out and have delicious food.
So, I have been so hungry without like any food for the first time, in this group home, and the toilet is being fixed since someone threw up. So, I have refrained from eating or drinking until it is fixed. I can't exercise or anything, just hanging out online.
I applied for several jobs that make at least around $40K, some waitress and dealing with clients.
There is like no food in the group home. At least, I have my powdered chocolate vegetable drink, which some was stolen. We don't get enough food.
Thursday, October 28, 2021
Wednesday, October 27, 2021
People make life impossible for their kids so it's always about them.
Why does it look like I worked hard my whole life but was tickled into trauma, while people who started off life on a different note hide under their "expensive" makeup since preteens?
Of course, people are overly involved in me, their thinking I've got nothing better on my hands to do in this life?
Tuesday, October 26, 2021
Is this my way outta here, work? Or is every subsequent place I live gonna freak out and terrorize me mentally in secret? Is just practicing violin etc. not even an option?
I'm focusing on 3rd position in violin now. I just did it for 10 minutes.
I guess I'll look into some new group homes "Way out West" in Toledo, Ohio.
I want mine like this but not in my eyes, so a bit shorter. I want my hair to be a little below my shoulders. I may toss it sorta to the side some. I am not sure about parting it but maybe vary.
I looked at lots of thick bangs, and usually they don't work out.
How did I chose my new wish look do you wonder? I wanted to tie it back for tennis, which I hated to do once warm up was over at first, but like when I was trying to find dance classes don't want to be baldy. At least, it means something important to me. I often miss bangs as they grow out. I considered all the same length or with some like to my cheek, but I couldn't decide my poison.
Since I can't have smoothies in the group home, I may have Asian tea, using powder and water.
Monday, October 25, 2021
Even if you feel left out racially, it helps to know your race.
Sunday, October 24, 2021
I thought helping the disabled was important.
Music Business is a form of leadership. It's like both having power and respect/acclaim as a musician.
Hey, if film is important, so is music.
Most people aren't musicians for a career. I even was interested in composing classical or innovative classical music.
It seems that college degrees are fun but are made serious just for those who wish to give their life to it and pay back college debt later if they have to pay more for school. So, it's about time.
It sounds like biotechnology would deal more with machines, but genetic engineering may be less of an administrative task. I am guessing do genetic engineering if you want to design new animals or open the topic of genetically altering the genes of sperms and eggs. It seems that I'd prefer biotechnology because of how it is innovative, future oriented ... and seems would be good to know biophysics.
There's material out there for me to get into biophysics just because, if I didn't do art or need to do something else like socially or introvertedly, I could do this.
Some people are just "up ahead."
Friday, October 22, 2021
I noticed Californians bow down to Pennsylvania and tell everyone else to double over, too, but, when it comes to Europe, only their children and people mean a shit.
I should probably get in the groove and watch some YouTube videos on how to play the violin etc. or maybe like the free online college music history course or find some good reads on Medieval/Renaissance/Baroque music. I did study early music history, but it was not teaching us to play literature and it didn't generalize enough. There may be some great performances online, think I've tried to find them in more recent years. Damn, I miss Music Education, but most Performance and History majors may do things like teach in a college, even things not in their major in some cases. I wonder if I need to study Music Business, but that's another sacrifice that requires a degree and not always playing, so guess not. If it's easy for you to play your favorite instrument, your goals are probably safe, like to perform, if you are in charge of a group other than like a regional symphony orchestra. I do believe we need more orchestras, more interesting performances, etc. I was filling out a form online and was interested in Music Composition, but I like learning the instruments. If I composed, I'm not expecting to be great but could write a lot if for some reason it looks promising. I don't know that you have to always be practicing a lot to be a success, I mean compared to others. It's probably not something you need to drill like regular exercise, as most performers, other than church some, perform different things at different times. It would be nice to accelerate interest. I wonder I could just join an orchestra that performs old music or if that's temporary or something more you do at a college. Hm.. maybe I should do BOTH Earlier and Later Classical Music! Medieval, Renaissance, Baroque Violin, or whatsoever, here I come! The Medieval violin seems hard to find but may be hundreds of dollars. The Renaissance violin may also be hundreds of dollars. I think they are around $400. The Baroque violin can probably be bought for under $100. I think mine was around $100, but the pegs kept slipping and a string broke. They don't seem to sell them so much at Amazon, anymore.
I think I should just go for violin and live in group homes. (And learn German.)
I need to get off these pills that make me tired and sleep more, too..
No careers, college, or part time jobs, until I can play violin as a career.
It is too bad my government money was reduced for no reason but might get it back.
Thursday, October 21, 2021
Maybe, if I study courses related to global warming etc., I can get a cool job in Global Warming Communications, until I get better at violin and also learn German.
Most group homes want you to work your way out... I'd like a cool apartment.
It seems I'm taking a break from watching "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" all the time. My life is not in order, and I do have fun posting online. I'm looking for a career, trying to practice violin and learn German, etc.
I am wondering if I want to be a musician I shouldn't try to get a job in global warming, as it may be hard to find a job without a degree, though they may exist. They want degrees, like one place, said in either Communications or Environmental Science. I'm trying to do violin online.
I have a feeling I shouldn't attend the Zoom meeting tonight on Global Warming or something for 1 1/2 hours, but hey why not.. maybe, I'll find out this time, in case I don't get an e-mail. After all, it's only 1 1/2 hours and only happens once a month. I don't know if I will be on video but probably not.
I'm good with this kind of work, but I don't know if I need a degree in Communications or Environmental Science, for sure, for something I like.
Wednesday, October 20, 2021
Tomorrow is a meeting for Cleveland, where I recently moved to a group home in, It's online at night, again. Today, seemed to be more general.
But I'm just sorta hanging out, did an exercise, and I want to practice violin and study German on YouTube. More exercise to come.
I'm so upset with people monitoring me in private, I may not be able to even catch Ellen DeGeneres.
Tuesday, October 19, 2021
I just took a quiz in the Climate Change Communication free online course from Harvard, and I got 8 out of 9 correct! just from reading through and watching maybe 2 or 3 short videos in the lesson!
I can't find a good way to learn German, but I've started lots of ways.
I'm enrolled in The Health Effects of Climate Change for free online at Harvard and now am also enrolling in Climate Change Communication.
Tomorrow, I have a meeting to attend online about a volunteer position in things like global warming! It may help me get a job!
I wanted to watch "The Ellen DeGeneres Show," but today I was upset and slept in the afternoon and am too drowsy this time. I feel paranoid now, too, like I did something, listed in my Problems blog. I didn't even practice violin or study anything or get my shower. I'm running out of food and am getting stressed. If I wanna watch TV, I can watch it, though, and hope it's something exciting or funny. She is funny, but I'd like to see something progressive, or else I'm watching a bunch of people fall behind, too.
As October goes on, I have about $21. So, tomorrow, I will go to the grocery store and get grapes and oranges, maybe. That may total to like $6. I can also get free food at a church.
I thought I'd get like $10 more.
I just had more snacks/dessert lately and some sweet drinks, so I can hold off.
I'm trying to get a hold of Social Security Administration to see if I can get my benefits back, which were lowered for no reason. I already submitted the paperwork!
People are like plants, and I'm an animal all alone.
Monday, October 18, 2021
Sunday, October 17, 2021
Saturday, October 16, 2021
Friday, October 15, 2021
Thursday, October 14, 2021
It's so nice on the go I can read and study college courses in apps online or whatever on my cell phone.
Tuesday, October 12, 2021
I feel people are messing with me wanting to live in Germany, and so it's not all that great.
It seems I have to sacrifice my social life for kids with popular etc. moms.
Some people need a change from me, and I already know that. I am the lonely one. People think I have voices to talk to in my head. However, they invade me in public, and I can't recover in private or unwind.
Monday, October 11, 2021
Do you have time in this life to stop, take yourself apart, and reassemble yourself for resultantly lesser causes?
Sunday, October 10, 2021
I found a good AS program. You get the degree and go on and can do specific things.
Was it trashy for teenagers of my generation to wear makeup sometimes?
What do you think about my efforts themselves being what is spoiled? Like, we're all the same and some have to be eliminated because everyone is racist, to any opportunity? If I was all White, I'd be forgiven.
It seems like I'm given a chance, among others, and people already have planned some such I'm unacceptable, and they just smile and see what I have to say, as though I have an unfair opportunity, ready to drop me socially in my static and changing surroundings.
Germans don't live for today because they don't "go for it," like as people- That's why we had the problems of WWI/WWII. They seem to think only they are special and can feel special.
...an awful lotta fuss my way of a Late Baby Boomer European lady who's supposedly supposed to have a "relationship" with me... She doesn't stand out as a bad person. I think people used her to answer common questions of an era of Late Baby Boomers and Generation XY. They took her uniqueness like sucking out her soul as fuel to say she is different, but people are just trying to live vicariously through her. I've seen people threaten that old people don't leave them on this earth just to be a "sexual" giver and not a receiver, as an unavoidable and natural punishment. It grosses me out how Golden Age and Baby Boomers trashed Generation XY; I have no opportunity. .... I still don't get out people from my generation give something you'd want in place of Late Baby Boomers, in some processes..
I just leave the toilet seat up so the 2 big boys here don't pee on it and I have to clean it every time.
Saturday, October 9, 2021
Thursday, October 7, 2021
I just did a morning stretch, couldn't do it all but feel worked out. I wonder if other people do it. I wonder if some people do it hardly ever anytime. I liked jogging and walking, but full body workouts seem effective and make me happier.
Wednesday, October 6, 2021
I did some exercise.
The bath was never cleaned/fixed! 😩
No word on the tub, guess I'll go eat.
I might change and go to bed. I can spray my bed later.
I'll wake up later no doubt, maybe practice violin and study German, eat something.
I may go shopping Friday after tomorrow when my glue on bandage comes in the mail. I may get some food at a church, sometime soon.
I'm feeling a strange existence, rather like I can't end this suffering now and don't know if I will feel like existing much like a young person, in some ways. Who knows what will become of me? I mean I just feel like I had a lot of hope that was somehow crushed with my aging. I'm 35 years old now.
That's funny, I got into Nick at Nite like "Happy Days," from a friend who stopped watching it. I wish I got a blog instead and noticed could have watched "The Ellen DeGeneres Show."
I see it's Chinese for supper, should I eat it soon? I just had a piece of blueberry pie. My breakfast nor lunch was that big. Maybe, I will soon.
I'm a bit anxious about the tub. I'm tired and might get in bed. First, I'd like to shower, and I did clean the bathroom without getting too dirty.
I got a snack. I'm still a little tired, might post online, do some exercise, post online, eat, if the tub is fixed shower, practice violin, post online, and go to bed!
I'm a little hungry.
I just cleaned the bathroom.
Not sure what to eat.
I had to buy some Neosporin.
I have like $30 of things to return and will have $40 for the month for food and toilet paper, but I can get food from churches, too.
I feel uncomfortable, cold in front of this "AC."
I'm wondering if I should exercise just a little and then practice violin ... exercise for 20 minutes or something, take a break, and play violin at some point.
It's not hard, but today is my day to clean the bathroom, Wednesdays, wipe the sink, wipe the tub, wipe the toilet, sweep the floor easily, and change the garbage. I should probably do that. I have a cut, but luckily she has gloves for us, anyway. I want to get it over with.
I just made my bed. I have laundry to fold but may wait.
I have to see if I need to renew my library books.
So, soon, I'll go clean the bathroom?