Saturday, July 10, 2021

What to do, what to do...

Do Germans think all Americans are bad?

I imagine Germans have more intelligent education, for its citizens.

It's not really about Hitler, the Nazis, and murdering and torturing Jews.

America just go in circles and are immature.  One day, "up old," they may reflect on the past and admit they were wrong and that new generations are better than they were and are.

Germans don't really know as much about America maybe as I do, we'll see?  Except, it doesn't fit my interest, in many ways.  Basically, Americans are spoiled and grow out of the joys of childhood.  I feel I'm not considered a person of any race, or mixed race ... and that my success comes from my mom being a disciplined Asian woman and some of my dad's ethnicities, maybe German, and perhaps his last name's allure.  When it's my turn to shine, people point out my parents's unique combination, like they've never seen anything like it, before.  I can't get judged for me and be sustained socially.  I'm just a product of the result of racism plus suggested racial inferiorities, to others.  My ethnicities are typical but maybe in some ways rare, to some extent.  Maybe, it's a battle of typical prejudice victims, "ancient" family with German-American farmers and well to do Irish from the 1800s.  My mom fell prey to racism, so maybe I fall even further than my dad.  I work my way out.  People think it's unfair.  Maybe it's because I didn't go to daycare, like many, but it seems necessary maybe and sensitive that I might be treated like I'm not "white" or "European" enough in a daycare.  Maybe, it's some common thread in my unique combination of deciding factors as to how people define me.  Maybe, I was also lucky to be born in Fort Lauderdale and conceived on a beach in the area.  People are looking for one answer to condemn me for, like they're playing Candy Crush over and over.  I'm wondering why as my unique race I'm not considered valid.  There are other mixed raced people.  Maybe it's just attacking me for feeling "White" or European when I'm Asian, too.  Other Asians get more interest out in the open and on a regular basis, but they don't stand a chance next to me, as if they wanted to be European, unless you "find" reasons.  They don't talk like this about race, Asians, but Europeans/European-Americans think this way about it.  True, they may have desirable qualities I don't have.  I wonder if any overly popular Asians marry European race people and have children and if so if their children would be as attractive or more attractive or more European-seeming than me.  A lot of places I go, people are calculating racial thoughts about other races, without knowing what they're relaying.  My dad was looking for an Asian woman to talk to as pen pals, and he chose to marry my mom, who is from a special group of Asians who may seem more European but from a hotter climate.  Maybe, I should be compared to other half European half Asians.  I'm not really African American, but I respect and am attracted to African American people.  There aren't really 2 racial categories, there are at least 3 or 4.  It's not like there's 2 and those 2 are either worthy of living or mistreated in the world.  This is an example of when there are more than 2 kinds of things, and it's not good and bad etc., it's just a race.

You shouldn't put people down from disadvantaged cultures, like America.  It's not everyone's fault!  People are in different walks of life.  Do you think Abraham Lincoln was a bad guy?  I think he had to teach himself to read as an adult.  You'll have to weed the whole system to make life fair for all.  That may be impossible if we don't try.

Europe is downhill by siding with bad Americans who think they're cool.  Maybe, they're messed up? actually.  They seem to believe this.

Anyway, so, no, I don't think my mom was overly popular in an Asian way.  She was an amazing personality.

It's one of those things where your parents each have different disadvantages and have kids with some of both, supposedly, though that may not always be the case exactly.

People gave up on Generation X as a whole, too, the youngest ones, too, stunted.

I don't need to not see this not be shit in my lifetime.  People are going backwards and not focusing on enough things and having complex thoughts and intelligent conversations.  I don't like to answer to that.  I may have the same personal problems if I relocate myself to Europe.  However, I know everyone knows America and Europe are very different...  I can't find the answer, wanted to get out of Orlando for different reasons.  I'm at a disadvantage to some groups of people.  It can be difficult to wind down.

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