Wednesday, March 31, 2021
What do you think of attractive people who are not all of the European race?
For example, some people of the European race are expected to have good body proportions, like a slender waist, sexy hips, and a "nice" looking sized and shaped head. However, many people who are not of the European race look this way as a racial stereotype. There are differences in the facial structure and muscles, etc., and the same goes for the rest of the body. Now, people of the European race try to be nice to people who are not all of the European race. However, they could just say, "Forget it!" to people who are not all of the European race for having such attractive proportions because they didn't mean they cared about them, anyway. In the end, these people who are not all of the European race will feel offended and left out, overall, and even like everyone is plotting against them. People not of the European race tend to corner people of their race who think they are attractive as competition!
Tuesday, March 30, 2021
I wanted to watch reviews and found one that said he was sorry for the way it was remade, all in all.
"...And my opinion now is that..." the first Cats was more balletic, and the 2nd Cats is more like a stretch from musical theater to the pop scene. Now, we know some people prefer ballet and sometimes musical theater, and in pop it's stuff like Britney Spears and Latinas that grace the contemporary scene. So, this was "*pushing the envelope." The performance was very clean, like they knew just what they wanted, but apparently this reviewer didn't get it and doesn't seem like an arts connoisseur but maybe into movies. Yea, you can tell I just think it's all about people my age acting a certain way. I think that's what the movie was trying to deal with and clean up and present before an audience. A lot of people have "really packed their bags and left" in realization of the present pop scene and its leftist limits. They act humble and "changed," but I'm still here and I've also grown older since before, like they have. I felt guilty for enjoying the music and plot because I know it all so well but don't contribute much to the pop scene like this. I guess it's sorta "the opposite" of Britney Spears. You've got to put yourselves in their shoes a bit to understand why it's so different from the first movie and in the stage versions. I fear everyone thinks what I do but is controversial about this like they were with the remake Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005.) Most people want to seem cool like a happy child from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and people act like only some people can. I think they're just out to get people for things like their ethnicities. They hit a high point and then make a plateau of prejudice for certain people in general, for things like mixed race or being jealous of them.
*pushing the envelope - "means testing limits and trying out new, often radical ideas." (link)
Monday, March 29, 2021
Prior, I had considered being a concierge or hospital receptionist, which you can get certification for but don't have to. They make $20K-$25K/year. I just hope my knuckles wouldn't hurt like when I folded clothes at Macy's, after awhile. I had compression gloves but had to replace them with regular gloves to cover the dry skin on my fingers so it would not damage the clothes by scratching them.
It's just rewarding to see animals cope and heal with problems. I am particularly interested in helping stray cats and kittens. I also like when starving dogs are nourished from malnutrition into health. I wouldn't mind other animals, pets or wild but mostly pets because they are so affectionate with other humans. I don't want to work with animals just to check them up, though. I want animal rescue or something else exciting. I bet it would also be fun to do research on animals. That's not a hands on job all the time but sometimes I'm pretty sure. I guess the most you can do is be a veterinary assistant rehabilitating animals to the wild.
The biggest problem is their relationship with Generation XYZ+.
I marked these 2 videos at certain points that prove this point.
What do you think? Don't let opportunities pass you by, like your relationship or lack thereof with Baby Boomers and a chance to voice your opinion about it. After all, Baby Boomers have the warm fuzzies for their own parental generation. Don't be the only generations left out who don't have a successful relationship with their parental generation. Don't just wait for someone from Generation XYZ+ who does have a good relationship with Baby Boomers to come along and make you jealous, if you're also from Generation XYZ+. The biggest problem is that, when Baby Boomers try to interact with Generation XYZ+, they call it off because of other people getting jealous and interfering.
Also, do Baby Boomers think Generation XYZ+ is in trouble for how some ended up, and, therefore, Baby Boomers use it as an excuse to not to try to interact with Generation XYZ+ as much? I know here in Orlando, people were scared to be friendly to me because there are other people who would get jealous and make it an uncomfortable situation, and it had to do with Baby Boomers trying to interact with me. Now, Generation XYZ+ has been trashed as a hopeless, worthless cause and bunch of people by Baby Boomers. Since there are unspoken rules about this, it's true it's one of those important issue. It reminds me of the many papers I've done on people forgetting about classical musicians.
Sunday, March 28, 2021
I am supposedly going to a group home in April, in a suburb of New Orleans, near where I used to live, across the lake from New Orleans.
Medicaid, SSI, and Food Stamps will pay for everything, and they said I'll still have money left over.
I have to share a room, and the place is for women. They do my medication and keep track of my appointments. They have activities during the day, not sure if they are mandatory.
I'd better get prepared more for that than for here.
Saturday, March 27, 2021
Technically, I don't know if I should be paired with an American I love to have a family. I felt rejected by Europeans, so I feel I have to reject Americans. It might not be something good for the baby. It's not my "dream." I can pick up some lonely German boy off the street and be a pedigree family.
Friday, March 26, 2021
Thursday, March 25, 2021
I've played for 6 years and I still hit other strings a lot.
- I felt my arms get numb when I hit my desk, sometimes the computer keyboard, when I was mad from "The Ellen DeGeneres Show." The first change was that I felt pressure when I punched my wall, did not not know for sure anyone would hear way in the living room with the TV; I was upset at cold shoulder racism from the internet on the Johnny Depp board on the IMDb Message Boards back in 2008. I didn't punch very hard, but I did break a hole in it, which I of course wasn't really expecting, neither. I've punched walls when mad, otherwise, but I forget what happened that made me mad. Also, my health declined and I felt more clumsy and often very angry, since 2006 and another point at 2008 perhaps. I was upset people avoided me on Johnny Depp related message boards.
- I took group string class in college in 2004-2005, almost an hour probably MWF, and I seemed like the only one who practiced. I never hit other strings then, and the songs were very easy. I had this feeling they should have said I was good and encourage me to do it in college, along with piano.
- For the longest time, I hit other strings. I got better, but I got a seasonal job and had a hard time. I went back and played some keyboard, then, too. I felt beat. Even, my knuckles hurt, but it got better overall. So, I went back and lo and behold my old habits that piled up came back.
- One teacher I had for longer said to just keep repeating if I hit other strings. It was grueling, though, and I didn't make it through because of how hard my life is. However, in class, I didn't hit other strings as much.
- My shoulders are wide, and I dislike it in some ways. It makes it hard to bow. It's partly helped to be like that to take gymnastics classes since I was age 1 3/4 years old.
- I practice, I practice, not as much as I want, but this is holding me behind, and it makes practicing not as worth it or easy to do physically. I do play loud, but I mean it's been 6 years and I'm hitting other strings. Who else seems to have that happen? Probably no one. People missing their right arm play better than me, weird I can't do it. I don't have problems so much keeping track of notes when all is well or with bowing, which is getting better and encouraging in other ways. I'm not saying I even know how to practice right because my teachers seemed to think I was too old and didn't do some things with me a certain way. So, I just feel no one can conclude I should be rewarded for my skills because I brought these problems on myself.
Sometimes, violin teachers are more suggestively encouraging only if the student is not an adult beginner. In fact, if you're small and you were a child a long, long time ago, your teacher was probably born very early this century and probably fed your ego and eagerness to have fun quickly. Now, take a lesson from one of these kids grown up into adults now, and they think they're better but are self-absorbed and pretend to be okay how they teach you, harried and "brainless," no offense to anyone, like that I met neither. They just think you're s***.
Wednesday, March 24, 2021
Tuesday, March 23, 2021
So, the hair where I'm removing the dye is light underneath and I have some light roots with the rest dyed black, after bleaching over the dye, though some of the dyed area is not black. So, where it is hidden under the dye should come out lighter than the bleached roots that grew out, and I just keep going and the bottom stays lighter than the top. So, I'm gonna bleach it only some and use products which are more "natural" that lighten hair and maybe fix hair so it looks lighter wherein some of the reason it was that dark was due to things like damage.
Well, I am gonna remove the dye from my hair, bleach it, and use purple shampoo to tone the yellow and maybe the orange/red?
I think it's a disappointing feeling because it's not real. I found some shampoo and conditioner that supposedly "naturally" lightens your hair. So, I'm bleaching it because it is already bleached and colored ... and so I can see it tint/highlight lighter and lighter when I use more "natural" methods or products/ingredients to play with my hair and lighten it and maybe fix damage which made it look darker.
Monday, March 22, 2021
Do you like the way people who dance who didn't devote themselves to classes or enough prior experience to be a certain way? or others and who/why? Do you like dance in everyday life? There seems to be a famous saying that in ballet you "eat, live, and sleep" ballet or something like that. What a life! Sounds a bit trapped and undecided and with an unclear future to specify, you just throw yourself out there.
Sunday, March 21, 2021
at the major ballet school in OrlandoI wish ballet was more accessible to adults to perform as well as take class because I can't give up my career like most people because right now it's music and I changed from piano to violin as an adult. I can't find an opportunity to do ballet on the side. If I weren't in music or art, I'd switch to ballet. CFCA had a dance team, but you have to audition and it's closed during coronavirus. The auditions were crowded and I couldn't remember the steps. I know CFB has "The Nutcracker" auditions open to the community and probably other schools. I found one for my age maybe, but it was too expensive and I am not giving up my focus on music as #1, at least not now. I did want to dance even more when younger but go back to music after a break since I had too much homework to practice anyway, and the dance keeps me in shape at the same time and I see my friends there if I could do it at that level at first and a good break from homework and way to get blood flowing in a nice way.
I realize I'm not that talented in art, I just understand it and maybe like certain kinds though and yes to classical art.
Actually, art was my thing growing up. Everyone's eyes popped out whatever I did. It seems like my parents got me into it because I didn't want to dance. I started gymnastics at age 1 3/4 and stayed in that. They let me draw at age 3, early on within the time I was 3 probably or possibly a few months after. I won 1st place in about all the coloring contests, if not all early on. My hands were probably strong from gymnastics. I went on to bring smiles to my peers's and adults's faces, into high school. They seem to use art more in theater than music, but the periods in art and music might be the same.
I can play the piano and understand music...
I sit for an hour now with earplugs in with bleach in my hair (hydrogen peroxide mixed in baking soda.) Usually, it's 1/2 hour, but my hair is strong and hard to bleach.
My hair is dyed black and growing out, but I wanted to be able to see it shine different colors with "natural" lighteners. So, it requires another round of bleach.
Saturday, March 20, 2021
Friday, March 19, 2021
Thursday, March 18, 2021
People can't believe I can play music or ever did.
I am the poor European girl where Asians are bullying her saying they're better with the violin because their teachers didn't cheat them and they only know their highly advanced technical skills but care little for classical European music.
I may go back to sleep, as it's 12:41 AM, but I have to clean my hamster stuff now that she's gone. I have some other things lying around. Then, it will be near perfect to a degree. I can move the tables for the hamster in to the living room so I have more space to put my things on. I got rid of 3 small/medium shelves already, too. I'm waiting for my soup to cool and posting online.
Wednesday, March 17, 2021
I'm making fan fiction of the Freiburger Barockorchester, and they're all cats. I'm gonna draw and color them with my colored pencils and write little stories. I already labeled things like size and colors.
Here is a link to what I've done so far, a list of the orchestra regulars and their photo and description of what cat they are.
Tuesday, March 16, 2021
Monday, March 15, 2021
I'm so excited, tomorrow all my hair stuff is coming, the natural lightening shampoo and conditioner and Sun In! The Sun In is necessary for penetrating the black dye I used to cover up the bleach and attempts to dye over it (purple and some that I got out.) I could always move to where it's cold and see if I get a fair complexion.
I like dance workouts, but I can only do it for 10-20 minutes now. This last one I did for 10 minutes was very tough in athletics, supposed to be 23 minutes. The teacher must have been some kind of Asian. I use Amazon Prime exercise videos, $13/month for Amazon Prime in general.
When outside of what my race is as the reason, why am I not supposed to get to talk much to other people and have various kinds of interactions? like saying you can't be both intellectual and be given pleasure, sounds like when everyone seemed to swear you can't be both cool and nice.
Also, I may be different in that I'm right and deserve attention, but if you're not like that in some way or whatever in some way and you get attention like you just are just because ... then it might be stimulating in that way.
Sunday, March 14, 2021
Saturday, March 13, 2021
Friday, March 12, 2021
Thursday, March 11, 2021
Wednesday, March 10, 2021
Tuesday, March 9, 2021
Monday, March 8, 2021
I've seen Europeans prove they can do things like tapping their foot to music, for example, without problems. Americans don't seem as capable as Europeans. I was against what Americans did, but I don't feel accepted by Europeans.
Sunday, March 7, 2021
Saturday, March 6, 2021
Friday, March 5, 2021
1. English II - Gifted
2. Geometry - Gifted
3. Career Orientation / Civics
4. World Geography
5. Biology I - Honors
6. PE I
7. Talented Music I
1. English III - AP/Gifted
2. Algebra II - Gifted
3. World History - Honors?
4. Chemistry I - Honors
5. PE II / Health
6. Talented Music II
7. German I
1. English IV - AP/Gifted
2. Advanced Math / Trigonometry - AP/Gifted
3. American History - Honors
4. Free Enterprise /
5. Physics I - Honors
6. Talented Music III
7. German II
After School - Violin Lessons, Community Youth Orchestra
College - Violin & German
Thursday, March 4, 2021
Wednesday, March 3, 2021
Non-famous people are afraid to make statements, but famous ones embarrass themselves doing it out in public where lots of people know. These things are to be done in private. I mean little problems that seem dumb and involve a prejudiced reaction. Things you would never say you say out in public! like secret messages in Hollywood movies and TV.
Tuesday, March 2, 2021
I've tried a piano teacher or so who thought I was too good for them, even had an Italian piano teacher from Juilliard (certificates) age 12-17, a nice old lady, from the Bronx. We went out together and once at least went to Wal-Mart and ate at McDonald's. She was also friends with my organ teacher / choir director, among many who have doctorates.
So, I found some new shampoo I like but am unsure if it's an emergency or if I should wait to make sure I don't keep spending, even if it's something I "kinda sorta" need. There's a 30 day system set for about $50+. It's called Keranique and is a keratin product. It's for volume and even includes hair regrowth. I was looking for an interesting keratin shampoo. This set comes with serum and spray, I think.
Why do people who are mean to me have nothing to lose and people are all on my case when I didn't do anything wrong?
Monday, March 1, 2021
People are living under the fantasy I don't do anything or don't think much compared to most people. Well, I'm not loaded with crap. I'm open to new things.
We all come from different places and have different experiences and messages from "the world." That's probably something people'd talk about figuring out, possibly, whatever they're really onto...
I hope to get money to live from my dad dying since he can't support me now. I could get financial aid and go to UF. I want to major in German and Violin. I wish I did it like 4 years ago, leave home and accept a school like UF. I've been learning on my own, but this might be better. I could also minor in German online there or major in it somewhere else online but sounds too hard to do it all alone without stimulation.