Wednesday, March 31, 2021

Post by Me

What do you think of attractive people of other races?

What do you think of attractive people who are not all of the European race?

For example, some people of the European race are expected to have good body proportions, like a slender waist, sexy hips, and a "nice" looking sized and shaped head. However, many people who are not of the European race look this way as a racial stereotype. There are differences in the facial structure and muscles, etc., and the same goes for the rest of the body. Now, people of the European race try to be nice to people who are not all of the European race. However, they could just say, "Forget it!" to people who are not all of the European race for having such attractive proportions because they didn't mean they cared about them, anyway. In the end, these people who are not all of the European race will feel offended and left out, overall, and even like everyone is plotting against them. People not of the European race tend to corner people of their race who think they are attractive as competition!

Bus Trip Tomorrow

I have to take the bus again tomorrow to go to the bank.

Tuesday, March 30, 2021

Refreshed

A bit of exercise again.

"Cats" (2019)

I wanted to watch reviews and found one that said he was sorry for the way it was remade, all in all.

"...And my opinion now is that..." the first Cats was more balletic, and the 2nd Cats is more like a stretch from musical theater to the pop scene.  Now, we know some people prefer ballet and sometimes musical theater, and in pop it's stuff like Britney Spears and Latinas that grace the contemporary scene.  So, this was "*pushing the envelope."  The performance was very clean, like they knew just what they wanted, but apparently this reviewer didn't get it and doesn't seem like an arts connoisseur but maybe into movies.  Yea, you can tell I just think it's all about people my age acting a certain way.  I think that's what the movie was trying to deal with and clean up and present before an audience.  A lot of people have "really packed their bags and left" in realization of the present pop scene and its leftist limits.  They act humble and "changed," but I'm still here and I've also grown older since before, like they have.  I felt guilty for enjoying the music and plot because I know it all so well but don't contribute much to the pop scene like this.  I guess it's sorta "the opposite" of Britney Spears.  You've got to put yourselves in their shoes a bit to understand why it's so different from the first movie and in the stage versions.  I fear everyone thinks what I do but is controversial about this like they were with the remake Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005.)  Most people want to seem cool like a happy child from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and people act like only some people can.  I think they're just out to get people for things like their ethnicities.  They hit a high point and then make a plateau of prejudice for certain people in general, for things like mixed race or being jealous of them.

*pushing the envelope - "means testing limits and trying out new, often radical ideas." (link)

More

I'm also gonna do a keratin mask.

Done

I'm having second thoughts about bleaching my hair.  It's already light though wet.  I will use purple shampoo.

Hair

I have the stuff on for a hour to drain the hair dye out of my hair.

Then, shampoo out and bleach with hydrogen peroxide and baking soda.  Then, purple shampoo and conditioner.

College

I got in and signed up for a summer class.

College

I think I'm gonna go!  June.

College

I'm trying to start in the summer, maybe take some fun classes, too.

College

I only need maybe 2 science classes to finish the General Studies / Common Curriculum requirements.

College

I signed up for Music Performance at a community college near the group home I'm moving to.  It's a concentration offshoot from the General Studies program.  I just have to ask if I'm allowed.

Chores

I did my ironing.  I need to wash and hang more clothes to dry, hopefully today.  I will probably give them away and just wear tights and a camisole and have sweater covers, to make it easy in the group home and like to exercise.

Monday, March 29, 2021

Facebook Post by Me Now - Training to be a Veterinary Assistant

I wouldn't mind training for 1/2 year to be a veterinary assistant, but I'm pursuing violin. Veterinary assisting can be around $30K-$40K/year but also $20K/year. I want to do animal rescue. I couldn't find how much veterinary assistants specifically in animal rescue make. I can get this certification online. Maybe, I can do it in the group home and then get out of there and make all this money. I also will practice violin. I can play outside or on my electric violin with headphones, in the group home.

Prior, I had considered being a concierge or hospital receptionist, which you can get certification for but don't have to. They make $20K-$25K/year. I just hope my knuckles wouldn't hurt like when I folded clothes at Macy's, after awhile. I had compression gloves but had to replace them with regular gloves to cover the dry skin on my fingers so it would not damage the clothes by scratching them.

It's just rewarding to see animals cope and heal with problems. I am particularly interested in helping stray cats and kittens. I also like when starving dogs are nourished from malnutrition into health. I wouldn't mind other animals, pets or wild but mostly pets because they are so affectionate with other humans. I don't want to work with animals just to check them up, though. I want animal rescue or something else exciting. I bet it would also be fun to do research on animals. That's not a hands on job all the time but sometimes I'm pretty sure. I guess the most you can do is be a veterinary assistant rehabilitating animals to the wild.

Happy, Again

I should be happier tomorrow when I can do my hair again!

Message Board Post by Me

(link)

Baby Boomers

The biggest problem is their relationship with Generation XYZ+.

I marked these 2 videos at certain points that prove this point.





What do you think? Don't let opportunities pass you by, like your relationship or lack thereof with Baby Boomers and a chance to voice your opinion about it. After all, Baby Boomers have the warm fuzzies for their own parental generation. Don't be the only generations left out who don't have a successful relationship with their parental generation. Don't just wait for someone from Generation XYZ+ who does have a good relationship with Baby Boomers to come along and make you jealous, if you're also from Generation XYZ+. The biggest problem is that, when Baby Boomers try to interact with Generation XYZ+, they call it off because of other people getting jealous and interfering.

Also, do Baby Boomers think Generation XYZ+ is in trouble for how some ended up, and, therefore, Baby Boomers use it as an excuse to not to try to interact with Generation XYZ+ as much? I know here in Orlando, people were scared to be friendly to me because there are other people who would get jealous and make it an uncomfortable situation, and it had to do with Baby Boomers trying to interact with me. Now, Generation XYZ+ has been trashed as a hopeless, worthless cause and bunch of people by Baby Boomers. Since there are unspoken rules about this, it's true it's one of those important issue. It reminds me of the many papers I've done on people forgetting about classical musicians.

Food

I wonder what I should eat now.  I have to eat something, too, before my healthy Hello Fresh comes in.

Tired

I've been tired sleeping on and off and eating.  Too much walking yesterday, went out 3 times, also ran a little.

Movie

I'm going to the theater to see Godzilla vs. Kong!  I'm team Godzilla!

Sunday, March 28, 2021

Picture of Me at Age 23

6/5/2009 10:45 P.M.

Racism and Stimulation

Why do Europeans/European-Americans like to stimulate Asians but don't like them to do other things they want?  (I forget all I was going to say.)

Group Home

I am supposedly going to a group home in April, in a suburb of New Orleans, near where I used to live, across the lake from New Orleans.

Medicaid, SSI, and Food Stamps will pay for everything, and they said I'll still have money left over.

I have to share a room, and the place is for women.  They do my medication and keep track of my appointments.  They have activities during the day, not sure if they are mandatory.

I'd better get prepared more for that than for here.

Generation X

People try to categorize me racially.

Worked up an Appetite

I'm gonna cook the DiGiorno cheese-filled crust pizza, pepperoni, and share with my little brother.

I get more money in April and want to do Hello Fresh rather than eat out more, for my health and diabetes.

This Morning

I did yoga for 11 minutes.  I went outside and sprinted but not very very fast.  Now, I'm waiting for the food.

Hair

I haven't washed my hair for a few days, just water, in case my stuff to remove the hair dye comes in earlier.  I can do it on Tuesday.  I hope I don't miss a spot and have to reapply the same thing again.

Food

Groceries coming in 3-5!  (I have no car.)

Saturday, March 27, 2021

Food

I don't know what to eat.  I get groceries delivered tomorrow 3-5.  I only have about $17 on one of my cards and don't think it'd be wise to spend on Uber.  There must be something!  I'll probably do Hello Fresh when I get money in April.

Ready

Technically, I don't know if I should be paired with an American I love to have a family.  I felt rejected by Europeans, so I feel I have to reject Americans.  It might not be something good for the baby.  It's not my "dream."  I can pick up some lonely German boy off the street and be a pedigree family.

FBO Fan Fiction

Book 5

Me Playing Violin Now



Groceries

I'm trying to figure out what groceries to get online for 4 days.

Food

I just ordered McDonald's with Uber.

Friday, March 26, 2021

FBO Fan Fic - Chapter 4

I just added times to the videos to go to, since the link wouldn't do it.

Violin & Me

I'm a violinist superstar! (who needs to learn 3rd position)

Talent!

Germans are like colored people in classical music, cleans out the system.

Me Vlogging Now



Update

My Website - Cool Anime Girls I Like

No "AC"

It's hot in my house.

Me Playing Violin Now

Burgers

Do you remember the days when people just wanted "a burger?"

Hungry - Uber

I did have some breakfast (oatmeal with brown sugar,) but I just got 2 gyros.

Thursday, March 25, 2021

My Post on Reddit Now

(link)

I've played for 6 years and I still hit other strings a lot.

  1. I felt my arms get numb when I hit my desk, sometimes the computer keyboard, when I was mad from "The Ellen DeGeneres Show." The first change was that I felt pressure when I punched my wall, did not not know for sure anyone would hear way in the living room with the TV; I was upset at cold shoulder racism from the internet on the Johnny Depp board on the IMDb Message Boards back in 2008. I didn't punch very hard, but I did break a hole in it, which I of course wasn't really expecting, neither. I've punched walls when mad, otherwise, but I forget what happened that made me mad. Also, my health declined and I felt more clumsy and often very angry, since 2006 and another point at 2008 perhaps. I was upset people avoided me on Johnny Depp related message boards.
  2. I took group string class in college in 2004-2005, almost an hour probably MWF, and I seemed like the only one who practiced. I never hit other strings then, and the songs were very easy. I had this feeling they should have said I was good and encourage me to do it in college, along with piano.
  3. For the longest time, I hit other strings. I got better, but I got a seasonal job and had a hard time. I went back and played some keyboard, then, too. I felt beat. Even, my knuckles hurt, but it got better overall. So, I went back and lo and behold my old habits that piled up came back.
  4. One teacher I had for longer said to just keep repeating if I hit other strings. It was grueling, though, and I didn't make it through because of how hard my life is. However, in class, I didn't hit other strings as much.
  5. My shoulders are wide, and I dislike it in some ways. It makes it hard to bow. It's partly helped to be like that to take gymnastics classes since I was age 1 3/4 years old.
  6. I practice, I practice, not as much as I want, but this is holding me behind, and it makes practicing not as worth it or easy to do physically. I do play loud, but I mean it's been 6 years and I'm hitting other strings. Who else seems to have that happen? Probably no one. People missing their right arm play better than me, weird I can't do it. I don't have problems so much keeping track of notes when all is well or with bowing, which is getting better and encouraging in other ways. I'm not saying I even know how to practice right because my teachers seemed to think I was too old and didn't do some things with me a certain way. So, I just feel no one can conclude I should be rewarded for my skills because I brought these problems on myself.

Query

Is it impossible for a mixed White to be popular in the US, like other attractive people of certain generations?

The Irish?

Why do I keep getting shoveled away when I'm part German because of the special English hate for the Irish?

2 Late?

"Oh, it's too late?"

...But I still just wonder

 ...why no one answered me when I said I wanted to play violin since I was 6.

"Easy Street"

Music must be very easy if you start as a small child, when things were crazy for most people.

Something Sneaky

Sometimes, violin teachers are more suggestively encouraging only if the student is not an adult beginner.  In fact, if you're small and you were a child a long, long time ago, your teacher was probably born very early this century and probably fed your ego and eagerness to have fun quickly.  Now, take a lesson from one of these kids grown up into adults now, and they think they're better but are self-absorbed and pretend to be okay how they teach you, harried and "brainless," no offense to anyone, like that I met neither.  They just think you're s***.

Update

Freiburger Feline Fan Fic

Book 3

"Oh, please!"

People blame me for the hype on alcohol.

Update

Side of Blog - Updated Link on My New Vlog YouTube Channel.

link

Update

I added my age in cat years, 21.  (link)

A Bit Hungry

Should I eat an early dinner?  I have my next pita from Wawa, chicken salad.  If I'm still hungry later, I can have a hamburger or what I never eat a cheeseburger.

1st Violinist / Harpsichordist / Conductor

I should never lead an orchestra because no one's good enough.

Not Much Left

So, we're barely making it, and then more gets cut off from Generation X for Late Baby Boomers.

Wawa Gas Station Food

It is great.  I got 2 pitas, one for tonight, and the $3+ strawberry smoothie is delicious and seemingly substantial, the larger size.

Caught You

People want to do what I do but first say I was silly to do it but somehow do it themselves, anyway.  You know, acknowledging the popularity of Johnny Depp, having fun posting online and to certain effects.

Brunch - Wawa Gas Station - Uber

I ordered 2 pita wraps like tacos and a large strawberry smoothie.  $23+.

Wednesday, March 24, 2021

Update

I added me as a cat to my FBO fan fiction site.

Celine Dion - Europe Tour Clips 1998?

Update

A new 2nd book for my Freiburger Barockorchester Feline Fan Fiction.

link

There! 😏

This reminds me of my choir directors form Wisconsin.  This video is from Minnesota.  They are both Up North in the Midwest.

Me Vlogging Now



Yay!

I have jury duty in mid April.  They have a snack machine and I get free bus service and $15 each day and $30 after a certain amount of days.  It starts at 7:30 AM.

Yum!

Today, I'm having Irish Uber, beer fish and chips.

Website Update

Statistics

Hight: 5'2" | 1.6 meters
Weight: 130 pounds | 13.6 kilos | 2.1 stone
Waist: 34 inches | 86 centimeters

Tuesday, March 23, 2021

Me Vlogging Now



Music With Video of Performers

National Taiwan University Chorus, song from Cats

Me Vlogging Now

Bleach Happy

So, the hair where I'm removing the dye is light underneath and I have some light roots with the rest dyed black, after bleaching over the dye, though some of the dyed area is not black.  So, where it is hidden under the dye should come out lighter than the bleached roots that grew out, and I just keep going and the bottom stays lighter than the top.  So, I'm gonna bleach it only some and use products which are more "natural" that lighten hair and maybe fix hair so it looks lighter wherein some of the reason it was that dark was due to things like damage.

Violin

Well, I tuned my violin so I can try to play/practice when I want.

I should probably look for some new material for next month, today if it's a rather cheap printout.

Update

I added a link to my vlog on the side of this blog.

My Vlog Now

What do you think of coloring your hair with blonde?

Well, I am gonna remove the dye from my hair, bleach it, and use purple shampoo to tone the yellow and maybe the orange/red?

I think it's a disappointing feeling because it's not real. I found some shampoo and conditioner that supposedly "naturally" lightens your hair. So, I'm bleaching it because it is already bleached and colored ... and so I can see it tint/highlight lighter and lighter when I use more "natural" methods or products/ingredients to play with my hair and lighten it and maybe fix damage which made it look darker.

Lunch

I got Boston Market, Uber.

$11 - 1/2 Chicken, Mashed Potatos, and Macaroni and Cheese

Bad People Are Fun to Others

A lot of people think bad people are more fun and then offend me and even affect my life...

(continued)


Cell Phone Case

 I want to get this in April when I have more money because the glitter sinks in the one I have now.



Monday, March 22, 2021

I launched the FBO Fan Fiction.

It's linked on my website.

Sugar

I had sugar today, hadn't had so much in awhile.  Carbs can still do it.

Worthlesness

Orlando is both mean and worthless, the bad people here.

Psychiastrist

What if I get mistaken for mentally ill just because of my mixed race?

New Orleans Food

I ordered a shrimp po'boy on Uber for $16 + fees but with the program.

The Freiburger Barockorchester Fan Fiction Cats

pictures of cats with their person - link



Groceries

I might need to order skim milk for my Slim Fast.

Putting Yourself out There

Do you "put yourself out there?"

Dancing

Do you like the way people who dance who didn't devote themselves to classes or enough prior experience to be a certain way? or others and who/why?  Do you like dance in everyday life?  There seems to be a famous saying that in ballet you "eat, live, and sleep" ballet or something like that. What a life!  Sounds a bit trapped and undecided and with an unclear future to specify, you just throw yourself out there.

Brakfast So Far

Oatmeal and some kind of maybe healthier brown sugar, cooked with water.  This time it's Quaker Oats and more in the back, but also got Publix brand.  The oatmeal is good for diabetes.

Sunday, March 21, 2021

I'm not all Irish.

My mom is Asian.  The 45% Irish I may have?  I'm not in on these swift Irish inside jokes.  I would be less Irish than the least pure Irish.  You're right, I may be all alone, at times.

My Post Online

at the major ballet school in Orlando

I wish ballet was more accessible to adults to perform as well as take class because I can't give up my career like most people because right now it's music and I changed from piano to violin as an adult. I can't find an opportunity to do ballet on the side. If I weren't in music or art, I'd switch to ballet. CFCA had a dance team, but you have to audition and it's closed during coronavirus. The auditions were crowded and I couldn't remember the steps. I know CFB has "The Nutcracker" auditions open to the community and probably other schools. I found one for my age maybe, but it was too expensive and I am not giving up my focus on music as #1, at least not now. I did want to dance even more when younger but go back to music after a break since I had too much homework to practice anyway, and the dance keeps me in shape at the same time and I see my friends there if I could do it at that level at first and a good break from homework and way to get blood flowing in a nice way.

Post Online

Facebook Group on Mixed Asians

I feel unaccepted as a 1/2 White 1/2 Asian. I mean, what happened to the terms and conditions? I'm 1/2 White 1/2 Asian just like others. Is it because I may have technically 1% Vietnamese/Filipino blood in my results from 23andMe.com? What if I like having it better than not? My mom is Chinese-Indonesian. Indonesia is Asian from Taiwan. I may have a 1% Taiwanese, too. My Chinese goes from the coastal parts of China from the South up to by South Korea. Plus, people who don't accept me accept Whites and they themselves look more Asian.

Update

I added a link to a ProBoard I host for the Freiburger Barockorchester, on the side of this blog.  I'm the only member, though.

Chinese

Church was cancelled, but I just got the Chinse.

Update

I added a new forum, listed on the side of my blog, Mixed Race Community.

Flag Football

I'm thinking of joining.

Church

I'm going to mass here.

Too Much Pizza

1 person getting a large pizza all at once is too much.

Some pizza is probably good.

Lunch

After mass at the Cathedral online, I'm ordering Uber Chinese.

Slim Fast

Not only does it calm my appetite, but the Slim Fast seems to make sure I get enough,

My Hair

I'm removing the black hair dye, Thursday I get the stuff to do it again.  Then, I will bleach it and use my special "natural" things to tone and lighten my hair.  The bleach gives you something to lighten.

Art

I realize I'm not that talented in art, I just understand it and maybe like certain kinds though and yes to classical art.

Actually, art was my thing growing up.  Everyone's eyes popped out whatever I did.  It seems like my parents got me into it because I didn't want to dance.  I started gymnastics at age 1 3/4 and stayed in that.  They let me draw at age 3, early on within the time I was 3 probably or possibly a few months after.  I won 1st place in about all the coloring contests, if not all early on.  My hands were probably strong from gymnastics.  I went on to bring smiles to my peers's and adults's faces, into high school.  They seem to use art more in theater than music, but the periods in art and music might be the same.

What is music?

Is music to you a single expressive line?

Do you have something about you that will never go away?

I can play the piano and understand music...

"Beauty is pain."

I sit for an hour now with earplugs in with bleach in my hair (hydrogen peroxide mixed in baking soda.)  Usually, it's 1/2 hour, but my hair is strong and hard to bleach.

My hair is dyed black and growing out, but I wanted to be able to see it shine different colors with "natural" lighteners.  So, it requires another round of bleach.

Saturday, March 20, 2021

Gymnast Dancer Singer

1991, reminds me of my mom who could do gymnastics and ballet, ballet as a child.  I can sing and dance! but started in gymnastics!

Freiburger Barockorchester - Fanfiction

I colored in 3 of the cats.

(link)

  1. Judith - small cat, all yellow


  1. Petra Müllejans - medium sized cat, red, black, white


  1. Gottfried von der Goltz - big cat, yellow, white

Food for March

Maybe, I'll get Uber.  I paid for a membership thingy, too.

Pizza

I ordered a pizza from an Italian place on Uber with the pass and it was about $11.  It's actually Sicilian.

Limitations

People limited what I could have done.

Edit

I edited my last post.

Well

People give pleasure to Germans in support of Nazis against me.

Exercise

I did an exercise for 10 minutes for lower abs or something.

Now, I'm looking at nicer exercise clothes so I can wear them all day.

What the fuck?

Why do people in Late Generation X like to show off like things don't matter like regarding feelings, but then they come back and want to take attention from you in this light?

Friday, March 19, 2021

I love this!

all over!

Me Playing Violin Now

Grocery Shopping

I go grocery shopping tomorrow, probably.

Carbs

I think even my thin buns have too many carbs for a diabetic.  Maybe, the M&M's in the trail mix are too sweet.

Nutrisystem

I may do diabetic Nutrisystem.

It's not that expensive and you get a lot out of it.  Pizza?  Chocolate sweets?  I picked mine out already.  It seems very American cuisine.

It's true.

People have no idea what I like and how much I like it.

Question

Do I seem like a kind of person who is a problem or not as good??

Thursday, March 18, 2021

Me Singing Now

Let's move along.

Only I don't get to solve problems and move on and am usually good but defend myself when people are mean to me - when is that, you say?  It happens all the time, here in Orlando.

Frustrated

I guess I am just kinda sore and tired.

Interest

It's funny when Germans stifle my interest.

How Lovely!

I just called to get my student ID # at a college I want to return to.  The operator was so nice and said no one bothered to ask like the form said.  I didn't feel enough rapport to behave how I wanted particularly and felt quite callous but observant to her feeling nature.

How I Feel

I am aching and tired.

Anyone?

Why is everyone else accepted by Germans and not me?  Maybe like it's nothing?

FBO Fan Fic

Fan Fiction of the Freiburger Barockorchester


cats added so far

  1. Judith - small cat, all yellow


  1. Petra Müllejans - medium sized cat, red, black, white


  1. Gottfried von der Goltz - big cat, yellow, white

  

Well!...

So, it costs too much to prepare fancier meals.

I'm the sweet one who's being bullied.

People can't believe I can play music or ever did.

I am the poor European girl where Asians are bullying her saying they're better with the violin because their teachers didn't cheat them and they only know their highly advanced technical skills but care little for classical European music.

Germans

Is Germany really that attractive?

White People Lying

White people say you're nothing to feel better, but they're lying that they're better.

Ahead of the Game

Do you fell ahead of the game?

Sports

I think I want to do cross country and track in college.

Yay

I cleaned out the hamster stuff and have room to do art.

The Bleach

The bleach worked in my dyed hair but didn't do much.  It is a significant difference, in the light.  I have "natural" lightening shampoo and conditioner etc.

Will it stay?

It seems people in orchestras generally get some attention to feel important.

On My Way

I may go back to sleep, as it's 12:41 AM, but I have to clean my hamster stuff now that she's gone.  I have some other things lying around.  Then, it will be near perfect to a degree.  I can move the tables for the hamster in to the living room so I have more space to put my things on.  I got rid of 3 small/medium shelves already, too.  I'm waiting for my soup to cool and posting online.

Website Update

Stats

Hight: 5'1.5"-5'3" | 1.5-1.6 meters

Weight: 132 pounds | 14.5 kilos | 2.3 stone

Hair Color/Texture: black with highlights / wavy/frizzy

Eye Color: iridescent

Build: medium 

Wednesday, March 17, 2021

Hair

I think even bleached hair gets darker, with time.  😈

Doing My Hair

There are new natural lightening products for hair it seems that I know of now, too bad I dyed it light and then had to dye it dark.

Hair

I'm sitting with hydrogen peroxide in it for maybe an hour, since my hair is so strong.

Update

I moved the link to the Eurasian forum to the side of my blog.

Update

My Stuff - Stuff I Host - Eurasian Community

Fan Fic

I'm making fan fiction of the Freiburger Barockorchester, and they're all cats.  I'm gonna draw and color them with my colored pencils and write little stories.  I already labeled things like size and colors.

Here is a link to what I've done so far, a list of the orchestra regulars and their photo and description of what cat they are.

Website Update

Fun Stuff - Videos




Fun Stuff - Music - Music With Video Clips

Really Being a Culture

Like, Asian, it's about feelings, not just whether or. not your eyes look squinty at a certain time.

The Order for Germany

1. Italian

2. Asian

3. Jewish

To Address an Issue

Admit that everyone likes Germany because they think the Nazis "look" cool.

If you are interested in their musical talent, they'll say this is why.

Happy

I'm so happy I can spray my hair with hydrogen peroxide today! and blow dry it or walk in the sun!

Racism Revealed

Sometimes, non-Europeans/Caucasians seem to think I should be called racist but not Whites, for liking princesses and fairytales.

Website Update

Thoughts on Life - March 2021

3. Those Innocent Moments of Guilt

It's sad after you see people experience a moment of preciousness and then something comes and gets them.

The Classical Music Scene in Europe

The classical music scene in Europe is looming in the distance, like they have something especially special in certain weird ways.  I guess they don't have to worry as much about being accepted, especially in Germany.

Well?

Time to block, no time to talk.

As We Speak...

People pretended I was corny and outspoken.

Pre-Prepared Food Is Cheap

It seems buying some things, like frozen fish, is easier than making a recipe, like fish and chips.

Banned

People just ban me for no reason instead of talk to me or tell me to just post less next time.

2 Points

What do you think of people who always make 2 points, one good and the other bad?

Weirdos

People think I just can't be okay.

Basically..

If older kids could care less about my parents's generation, why do they act like I can't have them?

Tuesday, March 16, 2021

To Do

I guess I have just a bit more cleaning.  The hamster stuff to get rid of, since I finally found a place for it.

Getting My Veggies

So, I'm trying to have at least 1 non-drink vegetable per day.

Getting Attention - A Pattern

I get attention from high places over others, but when it comes to something really big, I'm too old to be loved like a child is.

"No wonder!"

I realized I was unimportant.

Foolishness

Is it funny to see people make a fool of themselves trying to do things that annoy me? and while uplift others over me still isn't nice to them?

Monday, March 15, 2021

Salad

I just had a little spinach salad with Greek dressing.  I've been drinking vegetables and things.

"Oh, please!"

Of all people, why would I be all Hollywood and no arts?

Different Views

Some people/countries think they can get whatever they want.

Glorified for Other Reasons

What's up with the inconsistency in rhythm or anything of German keyboardists?

Edit

I edited the previous post today "The Answer."

Me Playing Violin Now

Lies

Great cultures were set up but taken down like Generation X is in trouble, but the previous generation of parents, just weren't ready.

Me Singing Now

Violin - Breaks

I guess some days might be more of some things than others.  I don't know, I get lazy or addicted to something else.  I do something.

Excited!

I'm so excited, tomorrow all my hair stuff is coming, the natural lightening shampoo and conditioner and Sun In!  The Sun In is necessary for penetrating the black dye I used to cover up the bleach and attempts to dye over it (purple and some that I got out.)  I could always move to where it's cold and see if I get a fair complexion.

Dance Workouts

I like dance workouts, but I can only do it for 10-20 minutes now.  This last one I did for 10 minutes was very tough in athletics, supposed to be 23 minutes.  The teacher must have been some kind of Asian.  I use Amazon Prime exercise videos, $13/month for Amazon Prime in general.

My Fate

When outside of what my race is as the reason, why am I not supposed to get to talk much to other people and have various kinds of interactions? like saying you can't be both intellectual and be given pleasure, sounds like when everyone seemed to swear you can't be both cool and nice.

Also, I may be different in that I'm right and deserve attention, but if you're not like that in some way or whatever in some way and you get attention like you just are just because ... then it might be stimulating in that way.

The Answer

It seems like it's all about people who are part European part Asian from Europe, and non-White Americans don't count, yet neither do ones from Europe, unfortunately that's what people think but not me.

Sunday, March 14, 2021

Everyone

Is there room for everyone?

School Age Activities for the Future

If you're not sure what you want to do as an activity to get good at as a child, can you wait?  Maybe, something could turn up?

French ... Spanish ...

Why don't they just make the US more German?

Accused

I feel people accuse me harshly if anything seems suggestive to them because I am 1/2 Asian.  Other people get away with it.

Hamster

Losing my hamster is like losing a memory, with her went some of my parents.  It reeks of death.  I got another hamster that died after I got it from something at the pet store, too, recently.  No pets while I move out, at least.

Saturday, March 13, 2021

So...

So, I am a fine person and I meet someone amazing and then I'm bad?

I know what some of you're up to.

I don't care if some people are making sacrifices to be mean to me just to keep things from getting worse in certain ways.

A Car

My aunt has me saving money for a car, good investment for the future!

Ideas - Clothes for College









Me Singing Now

Friday, March 12, 2021

Hurry Hurry Hurry Hurry

Why hurry someone when making a critical point?

People Who Turn On

Sometimes, people seem fat but still turn on, but some people, fat or skinny, don't.

Finding "Sex"

Selective people shield other people out of their lives, but once they are involved in someone sexually, you have to let them be addicted, to them.

Um, "is something the matter?"

Why do people not accept you if you're not perfect or so good in every single way?

They aren't that way, themselves, but can find other reasons not to talk to you.

Left Out

People are so careful to please other/White people.

Loyola (New Orleans)

To Tone My Mood

I figure to feel grounded, I have to know I'm someone, like I'm important, because I used to be, to others, supposedly, not expecting any more or any less, here.

Hair Care

I just ordered cheap purple shampoo which doesn't have certain toxins.  It removes brassiness and lightens/tones hair.  I also am putting lemon juice in it and drying it with a blow dryer or taking a walk during the day, which I have yet to do.

Thursday, March 11, 2021

Trick?

I should take walks and put that lemon juice in my hair!

The bleach is a bit liberal.

Loyola (New Orleans)

T Shirt Days

Do people and particularly Baby Boomers make their kids live so they can participate in a choice generation, for heartless competition that sacrifices the livelihood of their children? while they sneakily get supported?

Juilliard

My Comment: WOW ... That reminds me of my piano teacher from Juilliard. I used to play this for her.

College - Dining

If I go to college, the food may be $5K/semester.  That's supposing breakfast, lunch, and supper are each $13.

If I get accepted at Loyola again...

link

Me Playing Violin Tonight

Loss of My Parents

My parents were such good people.  It's sad they had to die.

Exercise Today

I was able to dance for about 20 minutes today.

Wednesday, March 10, 2021

Grocery Shopping

I might get some vegetable broth and put vegetables in it and make a soup.

I also want some health snacks.

Prepared Vegetables

I bought organic vegetable powder to make drinks, with chocolate flavor.

Worried too much canned soup will give me cancer.

Both

We Generation X aren't really set up like Late Baby Boomers in life / career outlook, but they never settle down to make some good company experiences, neither.

In the Way, in My World, "My Personal Space"

Baby Boomers lied.  First, they were inviting to me, and then they dropped it.  They got lots of attention as kids seemingly still.

Being "the Baby"

If you never consider younger people "the baby," will you still be able to be considered "the baby," yourself, at other times?

Ideas - Clothes for College






Exercise

I just did another workout today, butt lifting.  It was miserable.

Dance

I did another dance workout today, almost 30 minutes.

Tuesday, March 9, 2021

Me Playing Violin and Singing Tonight



Mentoring

What happened to you don't have to be a mentor for kids if you're Asian but you can still be mentored ... but you find that you have to be good at being a mentor later, like the rules changed and you were supposed to not listen in the first place!

College

I may only need 1 or so classes of General Studies if I go back to my original college.

I'm trying to see what I can do.

Monday, March 8, 2021

Europeans vs Americans - Physical Prowess as People Etc.

I've seen Europeans prove they can do things like tapping their foot to music, for example, without problems.  Americans don't seem as capable as Europeans.  I was against what Americans did, but I don't feel accepted by Europeans.

Dance (Ballet!)

I am trying to be a member of a dance company.

Sunday, March 7, 2021

Luck

Why would you drop everything for me just to ask if people can chose what they are, like if bad luck would have made a difference in their ability to chose?

I have no chance.

Since sexy adults have darker hair/eyes or slightly dark complexion, kids that win are the same, when paired with winning over a prejudice from someone else who earned it.

Asians - Which Kind You Encounter Most

It seems most Asians you see aren't actually Asian, but supposedly Chinese mixed with Europe, long ago.

Video I Saw in Kindergarten

This came out sometime in April 1986.  I was born May 20, 1986.

I said I wanted to be a singer after watching another video I could never find early that year.  I was age 5 years old.

This video is interesting until "Tomorrow Is a Dream Away" at 7:08.

Me Playing Violin Now

"For Better or for Worse"

People think it's worst when kids feel bad, but parents think they can secretly label their kids "shit."

Saturday, March 6, 2021

Piano

I was encouraged to play the piano.  I used to do ballet etc.  It's like I found my call.  I changed to violin like I had asked before, my dad and grandma and also my mom was there, needless to say I didn't and was already in gymnastics etc.

Friday, March 5, 2021

"Well! I don't think they're coming."

Sometimes, when you don't get what you earn, you can make *mistakes*.

What's for Who and Why Is It So Good

How do you determine if something is for someone or not? like starting out at the beginning of something, like say as a baby.

Germans - Carefree and Happy

See, her hands look very free rather than shaped in a certain mold.  I think she is German-American.  I saw her on Facebook as a friend of someone.

I'm worthless, now.

Just because other people are found to be good does not mean I'm worthless.

What You Like

It's not what you like but what you are?

If I Could Go Back

High School

Year 1
1. English II - Gifted
2. Geometry - Gifted
3. Career Orientation / Civics
4. World Geography
5. Biology I - Honors
6. PE I
7. Talented Music I

Year 2
1. English III - AP/Gifted
2. Algebra II - Gifted
3. World History - Honors?
4. Chemistry I - Honors
5. PE II / Health
6. Talented Music II
7. German I

Year 3
1. English IV - AP/Gifted
2. Advanced Math / Trigonometry - AP/Gifted
3. American History - Honors
4. Free Enterprise / 
5. Physics I - Honors
6. Talented Music III
7. German II

After School - Violin Lessons, Community Youth Orchestra

College - Violin & German

Update

I added my deviantART link to My Online Activity.

Me Playing Violin Now



Actually an Attractive Violinist (Child...Teenager)

Complaints

When you complain about me, are you just describing Americans in general?

Thursday, March 4, 2021

A "Sicko"

People want to think I'm just a sick American who feels perverted about not being accepted by Germans, like many.

Jealous, yet?

For mixed White/Asians, I thought it was a common knowledge that your European side having non-German helps in being there for others, as opposed to being 100% German, to balance the tightness of the Asian side and give something else to go by.

Talented Violin Student Who Dances - 2nd Grade

She seems to really get down the moves.

Drop Outs

Why do some people who are bad or drop outs in school have a funner time?

What's all this?

I wonder if Caucasians/Asians with darker features learn music and ballet faster because the melanin is what propels them.

Germany

I'm also looking for a school for English speakers in Germany.

Loyola

I'm thinking of returning to my original college.  I may have to take German via the college nextdoor, as they said, Tulane.  I hope to eventually get in Violin, and I may be able to find lessons, there.

UF - General Education Requirements

I may only need 1 more math and 2 more sciences, as opposed to at a Baptist school I went to online needing 3 religions and 1 science.  The religion classes are hard to do well in, if you're not a Baptist scholar, it seems.

Old Photos From a German Foreign Exchange Student - 2003-2004

She is 3/4 French she said.  I am guessing she is 1/4 German.  Her mom teaches French in Germany.  We were in 12 grade and graduated but from different high schools.  Mine was Catholic, and she went to the public one I used to attend.  She played soccer.






I'm in the last 2 pictures.

Pleasing Others

Some musicians are there to please an audience who feels musicians owe them something, some it's sorta that inside out.

Me Playing Violin Now



Finding Your Identity

People accept others who are less than perfect but not me.

Mum

If I compliment someone, they actually think it is an insult for just speaking to them, now.

Taken Advantage Of

People are afraid to tell me I look okay because they are so worried about themselves.

Wednesday, March 3, 2021

How I'm Doing

I did a strenuous 15 minute workout today I could not keep up with a lot of.

Plan

I found that being healthy can make your eyes lighter or something maybe and want to try lemon juice on my hair, too, which I have some old at home.  Also, things like being mad darken your eyes.  No more hydrogen peroxide.

Making a Statement

Non-famous people are afraid to make statements, but famous ones embarrass themselves doing it out in public where lots of people know.  These things are to be done in private.  I mean little problems that seem dumb and involve a prejudiced reaction.  Things you would never say you say out in public! like secret messages in Hollywood movies and TV.

Some People

People find a way to make things work out only with some people, I noticed in technical situations.

Things Today

I woke up late again, cleaning already done.  I'll bide my time before I'm tired and go to bed.

$89.55 was spent on my card extra I think, and it's too busy for me to talk now, stolen or a forgotten fee.

I did want to practice my violin.  I wonder if I need to wait to go to bed or else I'll wake up.  I slept around 6 AM - 4 PM, and my body senses the alteration like it's off.  I might have gotten to sleep at 5 before, often around 3.

Musical Theater!

These are from the same musical as the last video, "If Mamma Gets Married."  I am SO not becoming a regular actress!







Fake Rules

People born after Baby Boomers make up rules that are fake.

continued

Am I being cheated?

continued

I guess they weren't, what'd you call it, "there for me."

Musical Theater - Classical Musicians

I thought classical musicians were "too good" for musical theater.

"I'm alive!"

I feel I've come back from the dead!  ... I'm ... alive!

Vienna

Why are they so fragile?  This is Vienna! 

About Looking Like a Barbie Doll

Barbie dolls are unattractive and shaped artificially on purpose.

Nothing to Say

They just want to say something.

I'm not!

I'm not always scared of people who are actually a bit, quite attractive.

"AWKWARD!"

Why do some people think there's something awkward in everyone?

This is a nice song.

Portions

Did anyone in your family believe in eating ... light

Baby Boomers farted off.

I don't see people my age and younger as my parents.

Racism to Me

Why is the world so stupid and racist to me?

Viral Validity

People like to open up commonly valid issues to leave me hanging, like questioning if I will "lose it" and maybe not really be good around others because I'm Mixed Race.

Floridians and Non-Floridians

Do people with ancient Floridian ancestry need non-Floridians?

Tuesday, March 2, 2021

Music Education

I've tried a piano teacher or so who thought I was too good for them, even had an Italian piano teacher from Juilliard (certificates) age 12-17, a nice old lady, from the Bronx.  We went out together and once at least went to Wal-Mart and ate at McDonald's.  She was also friends with my organ teacher / choir director, among many who have doctorates.

L.A. - Learning

Does L.A. want to learn from Europe?

"Is that before or-"

Saint Augustine, Florida, the oldest continuing city in Florida under Jacksonville, the big city of Northeastern Florida, has problems in the mind that people in Jacksonville don't have ... 👿... and I lived in Jacksonville before I lived in Saint Augustine.

Lovely Asians

Asians would be better actors overall instead of first violinists because they are so right and complete.  Also, no White people are showing up in Hollywood, in a certain way.

Bad People

People don't pester you so that they get something from you that they claim they want but so that they can outdo you!

Fame

Should people be famous just for being cool people?

Stolen Money or Forgotten Expense?

$89.55, but I can't talk to someone now and don't know what e-mail address it goes to.  It's enough to say it's danger zone if I buy the shampoo now maybe, and I'm worried more money could be gone somehow, but I'm pretty careful and good with this.

Shopping

So, I found some new shampoo I like but am unsure if it's an emergency or if I should wait to make sure I don't keep spending, even if it's something I "kinda sorta" need.  There's a 30 day system set for about $50+.  It's called Keranique and is a keratin product.  It's for volume and even includes hair regrowth.  I was looking for an interesting keratin shampoo.  This set comes with serum and spray, I think.

Convictions - Parents

You know how you're supposed to be good at something?  What if everyone says it's just unfair, their parents admittedly made mistakes, like maybe they couldn't develop a talent...

Being Like Whites - All Races

If Blacks wanna be like Whites, can Asians, too?  That may be why they are how they are, in some ways, with others at least.

Right and Wrong - Doing Something

Did you do something or did you do something right?

Stereotypes - the "Nerds"

Some people are just more serious or "nerdy" than others.

Racist Meditation

Some people are meditating racism on me.

Racial Qualms

If White people have problems, they blame it on non-Whites.

Gradual Racism

I learned people are gradually being more and more racist to me.

In the end...

...there's no people.

Anti-Social

People stall not to talk to me, but they talk to others.

"The Cold Shoulder"

Why do people have excuses to cut me off?  They think I've accomplished more and say I'll meet others anyway, my mixed White race seems to be it...

Why do people who are mean to me have nothing to lose and people are all on my case when I didn't do anything wrong?

About Talking or Not Talking

"Speak now, or forever hold your peace."  Since you don't have your bearings, you might hold out? I mean.

...Eventually...

I'm well-liked at school.  My family should feel the same.

Racism! - Half and Half...

What if I was right from my dad's side which is White and fine on my mom's side which is Asian???

You'll let full Asians get by better than me to you Whites.

Vitamins

I got a "natural" women's vitamin and vitamin C!

Race - A New Time

Sane people don't believe I have more issues than most non-Whites.

People don't need to change how they treat me now that they are more racially awake.

My Fignernails

They used to be long as a baby and toddler, the pink part.

Okay, Okay

Here are my fingernails.



Silent Boycott on Classical Music

Do you feel that Generation XY has boycotted classical music?

Edit

I deleted the post about being wanted.

How I Look

Where did I get my looks from?  Not me?

Violinists's Small Fingernails

Well, some are big and short, mostly it seems.

I played the piano ... and did gymnastics since I was a toddler.  So, catch me!

Why do I have such heavy problems?

People are trying to get close informing me I have problems.

Something Really Dumb

Do people ever hijack your insecurities, which you are working on?  How does that look on them?

Monday, March 1, 2021

"The Money"

People believe things like that kids should make no more money than their dads.  This applies to other things.

"The Money?"

People wouldn't stop saying I'm in it for "the money" feeling of something, and they sit there and gape and believe that right for me, further, because of their own patheticness.

Eagerness

People are living under the fantasy I don't do anything or don't think much compared to most people.  Well, I'm not loaded with crap.  I'm open to new things.

We all come from different places and have different experiences and messages from "the world."  That's probably something people'd talk about figuring out, possibly, whatever they're really onto...

Preoccupied

Does pretending to need to correct me give people something to do?

(continued)

They're for children, size 5, size 6 was largest available, which is my size in women's XX or XXX.  They have glitter on them, too.

Shopping

I got some crocs for $42.

Putting Down Suffering

Why do people like to feel cool putting people down? like saying it's too bad but they're good and just have to watch you suffer.

Bad

Everyone thinks I'm bad and that that means other people are better than me.

I always was considered okay.

Crazy and Mad

People went crazy and are mad at people if they're not a certain way, it's almost legal.

Having Kids

Should you let bad people determine if you have kids?

So...

So, I'm not supposed to get something because it just means a Barrett wants the best?

Ballet

The ballet will come in handy if I become a movie actor.  (I still want to learn German and violin.)

I bought a new cell phone cover.

I'm on a budget, but the old one is ripping.

This one is $32 free shipping.  It actually is for a 6s and I have a 6, but I read it's okay because it's 1 mm different.

Bad Treatment

I feel I'm treated worse than before, and I see others being treated better.

Me Playing Violin Last Night



"Too Good"

Do people act like some things are too good for only some people?

Like a "Baby" Boomer

If one Baby Boomer is like a baby, they all think they should be, well some.

German

I hope to get money to live from my dad dying since he can't support me now.  I could get financial aid and go to UF.  I want to major in German and Violin.  I wish I did it like 4 years ago, leave home and accept a school like UF.  I've been learning on my own, but this might be better.  I could also minor in German online there or major in it somewhere else online but sounds too hard to do it all alone without stimulation.

Being Apologetic

Why are people so apologetic?

Irish & Chinese

If Irish people are uncomfortable around me, it's because my mom is Chinese and not really Irish.

I've been tossing and turning an idea.

Saint Augustine, Florida was a nasty place, too, with some...  I think I lost my vitality.

Irish People

Aren't Irish people known for being especially attractive?  A good family of ethnicity!