Thursday, February 25, 2021

Balance Book

People are individuals.

However, it's like people wanting the sons of richer men to just automatically be the same.

Blend

Maybe, I'll have fruit/frozen, sherbert, and Sprite mixed together!

BIG mistake

I found sherbert had the same sugar as ice cream but less fat.  I need to be making fruit smoothies!

Other Fish in the Sea - Fishing

People just want to challenge people like me, who have problems being accepted racially and who don't like it or something, that being nice to other races isn't enough.  However, full "White" people or Caucasians/Europeans don't have to do anything to gain acceptance from other races.

"Stronger in Number"

What if there was a colony of people who were mixed with White and Asian? or just Mixed Race in general?

You brought it among yourselves.

You said that being nice to another race "wasn't enough."

"The Tortoise and the Hare" - My Style

I feel like I'm being driven backwards in a race I already was ahead in or won.

Wednesday, February 24, 2021

Being Pulled

People seem to be wanting to pull me to the trouble crowd.

"A Trip"

Baby Boomers like to be straightforward and safe, yet strange things happen...

It's practically legal.

The classical music goes to the German Americans, instead of me, a part Irish and Chinese girl.

Don't Fit In

People don't think I work out racially like Blacks and full Asians.

They like mixed White Asians from Europe and maybe Asia better than Americans.

Um.

Can you not trust one more part Irish American girl?

Music

The blonde looks German-American, who are very German through and through but of some ideal mold.

I'm a fan of the redhead.

Music

2014 - Filipino

A Cool Guy...

If people are messing around about Tim Burton, what happened before to cause this trouble?  He either likes it or he doesn't or he's in the middle or out of the box...

THIS ... is from 1995.

Before the internet was common a bit but still modern times, how exciting it must have been!  Like the ballet!  What happened to everyone? "sex?"


I didn't QUIT music, I wanted to be a professional after singing in church choir my whole life!  It was my favorite activity to partake in, performance every week.

(continued)

Screen Shot 2021-02-24 at 1.55.07 AM

I feel like shit.

I feel like shit around important people who do important things.  I'm not used to it!

Uncomfortable

Late Baby Boomers ultimately are not one for service.

Ruin

I'm no longer valid on some points.

So...

 ...I guess it's your "thing."  😮

I know.

I feel if I flew from my homeland to Germany, I would be made fun of.

The Best Way to Listen to Music

classical music

loud

dark

cold

Pointing Someone Out

You know when people use really moving people to say that they made a statement that it's not for some people?  Does racism seem to happily come in handy???

Like, they'll insinuate it by saying, "This person is amazing," when no one else turns from grazing.

Tuesday, February 23, 2021

Disney Dreams

(image source credit)

Sex in Discipline

I don't have this people pretending to be good parents to me disciplining me sexually how they are.

Dealing With Others's Kids

Why does the world have to deal with kids in ways their parents don't let?

Doi! Doomed!

White people sure like to adapt and interpret different flaws into looking like it's racial superiority.

Hello, some people are mixed whites and some are part Asian.

Alice...?

What is the answer always contradiction?  Is there any reason?

Amazing Music

Why are people looking to be amazed by classical music yet do not believe it is really that amazing?

The East of Europe

People misjudge me racially, like they have to be on top like if they're Eastern European because they know I'm half Asian.

Hot

All these hot girls get mad at me like I'm competition.

"Your True Self" - "Getting Away With It"

You know the feeling you wish someone would reveal their true bad behavior to someone where something would happen where you would feel justice?  People are so bad...  That's why they are different when these other kinds of people are around sometimes.

"Screwed"

Why is generation A so "screwed?"  You may mistake them as an extension of Generation Z.  They copy Generation XY, and look where they are today.

(continued)

Getting friendly?

No!

If some people see a European that stands out, like say a German lady, they think it's an opportunity to Americanize them into "garbage..."

Big and Little

Being tall/big sparks people to feeling like a baby, while short people feel guilt and appear overly mature and shy.

Winner ... Loser

Hot people hang out as police etc. and people in security.  People freaked out about racism still think there's hope for them.

Monday, February 22, 2021

Hope

I want to settle down, get a job in acting, and go to Germany and play violin!

Technical Prowess in the Arts

You see it a lot in dance.

Cleaning

I took out another shelf earlier.

"That's all, folks!"

I like to behave so all that's left is to judge my character.

Cleaning

I've done a lot of cleaning today, too.  I even got rid of one small shelf!

The US

The US is excited they have Scandinavians.

Germans - Life

It's not about being silly hurting people.

Germans - Stress

What are Germans stressed out about?  The US?

Sunday, February 21, 2021

Showing Off

Music has become a tool to shine too much light on strangely expressionless toddlers and technically virtuosic Asians.

Not Cool Racially

People used to accept me as a Mixed White, but now they think I'm in trouble and pretend I'm not cool racially.

This One Last Fling

...before I move on...

Look around at more appropriate daily clothes etc.  Huzzah!

The Cleaning

I've done a lot of it and through the years.  I don't remember what all exactly there was to throw out.  I have not much now other than what I told you.  I'm ready to move out to a group home or wherever I can.

Racism on Display

People formed a procession/show of how people can seem better racially as full whites compared to me, who loves being white or anything.

Life Is Strange!

You don't have to "get it over with," strange feelings.

Learned Behavior

People learned to not be afraid to be bad.

Race

Instead of discussing racism, people will claim it is nonexistent.

Race

People and my teachers have said seriously etc. and helplessly that the worst thing you can do to someone is ignore them.

People lose it psychologically if they meet someone who is not all white racially.  They will say everything is fine.

Toss Up

I want to move to Germany, but, if I want to move without a job for 6 months, I'm supposed to have some bachelor's degree.  I don't know any other way that would work for me, unless I can get a job, first.

I wanted to be a musician, but I had to quit a long time ago and am at least just doing it for fun, now.  So, I can't count on that.

I am worried if I got a job I may never be good at music or figure out what to do instead in college somehow.  Also, we're depending on that I get free living from SSI or veteran's dependency, which if I left Florida I'd have to reapply regarding the SSI.  I did see they have those things in Germany, now...  I'll have to make a $90 call and ask all my questions, in 1/2 hour.

Nifty

Do people think being cheap or making compromises is nifty?

"Plain and Simple"

Maybe, I thought being too "amazing" would be dangerous?

Music

It's sad you have to be a pro to say anything with music, when it's just for fun and can even be a pain for some people, in different ways (not liking music or it being hard to understand/play.)  Then, why is it about strangely expressionless toddlers and technical virtuoso Asians?

Is it worth putting yourself out there?

Is it worth putting yourself out there if you're better than most famous people but not as much a match against other non-famous people?

Trademark

A psychologist's trademark is that the answer is actually "no."

A Thorough Job

I cleaned almost everything I have, this time getting rid of almost everything it seems because I might be moving to a group home.

I saved my violins, my flute, my piccolo, my music books, my German learning books, and some classical CDs I like.

I threw out my hair accessories except the black ones like pony tail holders and pins.  I even threw out the children's dresses I got, figure they're just in the way.  I may do a sweep of my clothes and get some more appropriate ones, like $6 long sleeve shirts at Rainbow.  My dad had been saying I need to get rid of clothes.  There's always the idea I get polo shirts and sweaters.  I have 10 black pants, well one went missing when my aunt went to hem a few.  I have like 8 or 9 nice jeans.  I have a few non-uniform-ish things, too.  I'm just so happy I finally did it.  I can compress a bit more, too.  Now, most of what I use is in 2 boxes, one for what I use and one for things I store like documents, which aren't many.  I bought a bunch of stuff with the stimulus check in the end, and I seem to have returned or gotten rid of most of it, including the children's dresses, also coffee making things.  I already got rid of my DVDs and CDs the other day.  I have some books with passwords, too, these past 12 years online, some already unfortunately recklessly thrown out.  I got rid of a bunch of things I use like for hair and junk from makeup.  I sadly got rid of beaucoup art papers to draw or paint on.  I can't see that baggage coming with me.  I draw on typing paper and have colored pencils, though.  I also have I think like 100 colored sparkly gel pens in a nice case I got.  I only have minimal things otherwise.  Some of this process was very nostalgic.  I even took apart a huge DIY shelf.  My room feels empty and meditative, good feng shui.

So, mainly, I have musical instruments, music books, learning German books, and a few favorite classical CDs.

I've got a MacBook Air and Chromebook, too.  I might get rid of more furniture and like I said redo my wardrobe.  I was gonna wear children's dresses, but it's too much of a waste.  I mean, normally, I wouldn't wear them, possibly.  I need more appropriate clothes.  Maybe, I'll do some window shopping online now and post online.  Looks like a good day's work and maybe time for supper.  I do have my old hamster who may die.  I ordered a more compact cage that never came in, too.

I get about $780+/month.  I plan to save as much as possible and concentrate on good food as a diabetic, too.  I have no car now, so if I want to eat out might take the buses or order it.  My goal is to get off the diabetes and cholesterol pills.  I have some vibrating, pulsing, trembling, and shaking from a dislocated ankle/foot, and it affected more of my body.  It was from driving, when I flex my foot awkwardly on the break pedal.  I haven't driven much for over 15 years.  I started again this past year and got ot being comfortable on I4.  This month, $100 went to fixing my messed up hair, dying and cutting.  I don't know where the rest went.  It seems some better prospects for this month.  I can't wait until I'm totally done cleaning, hopefully soon.  I may have more time and focus without cleaning in the way, may even get a job.  I'm also still trying to get better at violin, even if just for myself.  I would love to be a pro musician.  I even majored in music but had to quit...  I did feel temptations as better prospects of becoming an actress first or singer.  I figured I could even get private ballet training with the money or learn organ again.  I get confused with what's better for someone like me, piano or violin.  I did piano first, though.  Well, I got to start singing when I was 5 by myself.  A lot of people never get to play music/piano like they want..  I guess piano is a private pleasure, strangely, just not always that symphonic!  I did get rid of my keyboard, which came broken and was cheap, anyway.

So!

Ill Feelings

People have been trained to feel inadequate and rebellious.

Saturday, February 20, 2021

Edit

I edited my last post, I said I was 23 when I got on Blogger.

DId the internet ever really take off?

MySpace and Facebook didn't seem to exist until after I started college.

(I wish I got a BlogSpot.  I could have at 13.  The internet became popular when I was 11.  I may not have even heard of it until high school.  I got on MySpace and Facebook late, when I was 21 in 2007.  I got on Blogger at age 23, year 2009.)

Still, life was nice at the start of the internet being popular but grew to become quite shallow!  I e-mailed and did the free greeting cards online and everything early on.  Just too bad my friends barely IM'd or anything and I moved away.

(My life could still be worth something?)

High school would have been a good time for something like Facebook.  Hopefully, something like MySpace will develop or Facebook will be more flexible technologically/aesthetically.  It's nice our forefathers/parents left us with the internet, but life is more to be lived starting when you're in puberty.  (I got this idea watching a TV show.)  Things were indeed exciting around 2009, though, 2008...  Long ago, things and possibilities were left open.

Friday, February 19, 2021

Intelligence

Do people spend more time analyzing brainless actions than prepping mentally to execute them, much much more to the point it's utterly pointless?

People born in the 1960s seem pretty smart.  Do people born in the 1950s really have that handle on it?

Saturday, February 13, 2021

Update

I made a new board on my forum for the remake of The Wizard of Oz.

link

Friday, February 12, 2021

Dreams

I wish instead of being so serious academically I focused on music and my well-being.  This is what I wish I did in high school, if possible.

Year 1
1. English II
2. Geometry
3. Biology
4. Career Orientation / Health
5. PE I
6. Dance Team / Cheerleading / Flag Team
7. Talented Art

Year 2
1. English III
2. Algebra II
3. Chemistry
4. World History
5. German I
6. Dance Team / Cheerleading / Flag Team
7. Talented Art

Year 3
1. English IV
2. American History
3. Free Enterprise / PE
4. German II
5. Dance Team / Cheerleading / Flag Team
6. Talented Art
7. 

After School: Violin Lessons

College: Violin & German

Thursday, February 11, 2021

An Enlightening Experience, to Come

I found a deal at a gym that ends tonight, online, and I joined.  It is $10/month but doesn't have big group classes.  I wanted the treadmill, elliptical, etc., think this will be the answer to the rest of my problems or some.  I've been using floor workout videos on Amazon Prime, which is only $13/month.  Before that, I've done a lot of slow jogging and taking longs walks listening to music.

Update

New BlogSpot (listed on the side of this blog)

Reminiscing

Edit

In that last post, I clarified I did ballet and not dance.

Edit

I meant to say "Talented Music teacher" and not "Talented Theater teacher" in my last post.  I edited it.

"The Wizard of Oz"

I remember how festive it was when, where I lived age 12-20, they had The Wizard of Oz one year as a production performed at a local community theater.  I think Hollywood will play it down and look cool, but it was a great event where I lived.  It got me into things like dance (ballet) and accompanying musicals more.

I got to audition for Dorothy, but I didn't make anything.  I was most jealous of the female jitterbug dancer.  I had wanted to take dancing for health as well, but my mom kept me in piano, where I couldn't practice when I had so much busywork from school.  I used to watch Cats (1981/1998) on weekends at night when everyone was asleep, a time I was usually up doing homework or later.  It made me want to dance or go back to ballet.  I wanted to do ballet before, but they didn't have it where I lived.  I did get to do it some and minor in it in college.

Actually, I tried to play for it, but it was too hard.  I've played one line parts on the keyboard for musicals, though, in high school.  My Talented Music teacher even had me play songs I knew from lessons for a senior play when I was in my 3rd year of high school, senior year being the 4th and final year of high school, here in the US.  So, then, I got to play the main part on keyboard.  Actually, I played the tuba part for band in 8th grade.  The teacher actually sought me out, when I thought there was no opportunity.  He also said I was too good for him to teach piano to, maybe my technical skills were good somehow or I practiced hard enough as a beginner.  By the time I was 15, I think I told my grandma when we visited Up North that I wanted to do music and English, and the music would be on piano.  I did projects in school related to this desire, as well, since I was age 7 years old.

Wednesday, February 10, 2021

Do YOU ever dream?

 ...about being in a famous movie someday?  I have with multiple movies.  I was just wondering why there weren't so many English Disney movies, other than the fame with Mary Poppins (1964.)  Anyway, I'm a non-English American, but I wonder if they will ever make a popular version of Camelot.  I wouldn't want to be in it because I'm not English.  I don't know, but I like Logan's Run (1976,) though I'm not all white American.

"When life gives you lemons..."

"...make lemonade."

Well/So, when life gives a rash upgrade, you experience a major downgrade/downer, subsequently.

It's like, when you ask a smart question, you get a stupid answer.

(image source credit)


It seems to happen when too many people have too much access and say in one thing, in the wrong way.  Instead of suffering with resulting homework, maybe they were mindlessly "surfing the web" and somehow word got around.

It seems unexpected I would ever find myself in any legitimate trouble, socially (nor whatnot.)  It's probably "stupid shit" like that I wasn't a cheerleader, instead of whatever else I breached into.  More school busywork and less music, not a good thing.

"The Wizard of Oz" Remake!

They are remaking The Wizard of Oz (1939,) they recently announced, like in the past 24 hours at least some.  Someone found out and posted it on film|boards.

So far, the director is excited, but people online, like on Twitter, are, as usual, not happy because it ruins the original.  People are always at the top making this complaint of any remake, probably especially big ones, like Alice in Wonderland (2010) or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005.)

Who knows what afterthoughts will come up, maybe one something like when the internet became more widely available and Americans mainly functioned using the browser America Online, or "AOL."  It seemed like a huge deal to non-Americans, probably because it was so fancy or it limited them in communication in general, using the English American language as a common factor for more people and its subsequent, resulting opportunity.

Not that I would make it here, but I am about to try to make it in Hollywood for money and because I had to give up music for awhile and this was my following dream.  My mom died in 2018 from cancer and my dad is dying this year.  I have no way of supporting myself that makes sense.