Sunday, September 23, 2018


Did you know Work was one of my family names?

You know...

I was able to help out my mom today, and it was nice.  I just had a funny feeling, but I ignored it and did it my way.

"A Mother's Love"

People are stupid to think I don't like being white.  I wonder if I went to daycare as an infant or young toddler I'd turn out not looking white.

What should I do?

What if there's no hope for me?  I've seen myself as a baby in some ways that looked gay and in front of my parents.  Racism is probably the biggest problem in the world.  I didn't get to go to daycare, but I was a smart little booger.

🎶 "You can look right through me, walk right by me, and never know I'm there!" 🎶

People aren't impressed with me and who I am... maybe I need to become the next Johnny Depp so I can afford to drop them all off in Africa where the starving children some live.

"Different Strokes, for Different Folks"

If someone is a nice person and needs something, you can figure to wonder what they need and be helpful ... and accepting! and happy to help someone like that, that they came close to you.

My Life as Dead

What if people want to keep me from living a good life, also concerning my interest in Europe or Germany?

Traumatic Events

I'm considered dumbly selfish to complain about my life sucking since 2005...

All Those Dumb Ditzes Are For

Who knows, that's probably what they are for, making Germans look like shit.


Are Scandinavians really all that?  I like them, but what's wrong with Germany?

Being "Suggestive"

No one admits to liking or not liking being "suggestive," but they seem defensive and ready to attack others.

Being "Suggestive"

Is everything suggestive to you if it identifies with you? or seems to be in some impression that's set apart but doesn't need to be?

Vibrato on Violin

I have a vibrato exercise book for violin, and I couldn't follow the instructions all of them, but I was able to play with vibrato and was excited.  I'd done it with a teacher, too.

Update - My Stuff - About Me

Me and Music

I didn't want to join band or anything like that because I liked violin and would have done violin if they had it.

Update - My Stuff - About Me

Me and Music

I considered it again later but could not decide, as I was told oboe was the hardest instrument by a music teacher and I kinda liked viola.

Whole Foods

I plan to go to Whole Foods with almost $80, not sure if that will replace eating out.  They probably have prepared food and healthy snacks.

Update - My Stuff - About Me

Me and Music

I liked music when I was little, but I probably felt like it was uncool, at age 1 and 2.  I went to pre-K at age 3 and 4, maybe for 1/2 day at first.  We never did music in pre-K in Southeastern Florida.  We moved to Northeastern Florida (Mandarin/Jacksonville) and I started kindergarten maybe a week or so late.  We had singing there, and I came home straightaway telling my dad I liked to sing.  At 7, I told my mom I "still" wanted to sing somehow.  I was able to join choir at age 8 for church/school.  I had been sitting in the pews at mass memorizing the church songs, too.  I stayed in church choir until college, except for 2 years when they didn't have it.
I tried to play music by ear at age 7-9 on a little keyboard.  My parents got me into piano lessons, though I didn't want piano to be my profession, just a hobby, like skateboarding, to impress people.  I got to play at church and went into organ, which helped me get into a good music school.  I was told I was too shy to do singing or the Music Education program, and I was told to leave those programs.  It was such a bummer, I ended up leaving.  I almost quit everything sometimes, but I kept up my singing alone.  I went to a theater event, and I got interested in the background musicians or the "pit orchestra."  I would have gotten an oboe if I knew I could pay little by little.  I still liked singing at church from the pews, and I was gonna start singing lessons.  I looked up a song on YouTube we had on a CD, and I confused it for another one and saw violinists I first thought were English but then rechecked they were German.  I chose to do just violin.  I've had 3 teachers and one was for 2 school year sessions at a private college, a preparatory/community program.  I finally stopped so I could teach myself and work at a faster pace and actually polish my work rather than just reading through for a week a little amount.  I started focusing more on the lesson book with Suzuki.  I like Suzuki.  I've used a variety of methods, but the rest are too easy or too hard or don't have much.  Maybe, I just don't know how to look.  When I was 6 years old, I told my grandma and dad I wanted to play violin, but they didn't answer.

🎶 "I get knocked down, but I get up again..." 🎶

I keep thinking I'm gonna stop eating out taking the bus but I get hungry again.